SEASONS OF LIFE
The window in the front room gave Mike his world view. It had big wide glass doors which had not been opened for many years now, dust had accumulated all around the corners . He had also spilled coffee in a few sections and the stain had caked all over. He tried to keep coffee in the stained area most of the time, but for some reason the stain seemed to have grown over the years. The edgings of the window needed some repair too , the crack had started to show in a few areas.
The Maple tree standing a few feet from the window helped to confirm his idea of the seasons, which was formed by the clothes worn by his visitors and also by the weather channel. The tree must be over 20 years old by now, he thought. He loved fall season, when the tree decides to dump the leaves it had carefully grown over the past several months. Maple leaves danced around in the breeze before settling down on the ground. Some of the leaves came by to visit him, by staying on the window for a little too long before giving in to gravity. The tree seemed to enjoy the freedom from leaves after working hard on shedding them for days, now it is time to rest.
Mike’s life had been mostly contained in that one room for the past 7 years, before that he was the citizen of the world. His life was filled with fun , travelling , girls, money, power, everything that a man could possibly want. Possibly he had fulfilled everything in his first 36 years, should he have slowed down?? He could have spread it around a little more. His brush with death happened when his Honda swerved over to meet the oncoming truck. He had tried to remember the exact event many times but everything seemed to be in a blur. He was informed that he was in a coma for several months only to wake up in a state of paralysis. He had limited movement of his left hand and had full use of the facial muscles but everything else always played dead.
Life has to go on, or at least that is what his mom always said. Or what. He had always wondered why committing suicide was considered a crime in most countries.We make decisions on a day to day basis, some which are causing incredible harm to the body. So is a slow , planned , self killing okay, compared to the quick and easy. At least the quick and easy will save the world off some weight in one shot and save the cash strapped government, some money.
Well, here he was, 7 years after the accident in a housing unit for the disabled. His worker Doug came twice daily to help him with everything. Like a baby he was washed and cleaned and diapered. With his left hand he ate finger foods and spilled all around. Month old carrot sticks can still be found under his bed. His occasional trip to the mall held more value than his much hyped trip to France 10 years ago.
His parents were to visit him today, it was getting to be harder for them to come over now that they were in their eighties. Mom and Dad had moved back to their retirement home in Woodstock just after Mike was admitted to the housing unit, as they could not find a good retirement community out here. Also all their friends were in Woodstock. They made their trip to Mike every Christmas but two days ago mom called to let Mike know that they will be coming over for the day. He thought of all the times that he would crib and get anxious about a potential visit by his parents but now all he felt was excitement. He knew that his mom always tried hard to hide her tears but she was no longer successful in keeping up the wall. It had been almost a year since their last meeting, sadly there were signs of slowing down in dad, even two years ago,.
A couple of years ago, dad walked into his room and told him “to get up” as it was way too late to be staying in bed. It took dad minutes, and puzzled looks from his mom, to figure out his lapse. The two hour drive up to his place seem to knock them down , so he was surprised at the fact that his parents were making an extra trip this year, especially when Christmas is hardly a month away.
He had asked Doug to dress him in a nice shirt and pants and he decided to sit on the wheel chair to wait. He still had all his dress shirts and pants that he used to wear to work, hanging elegantly in the tiny closet. He had thought of giving them away a few times, but he loved the nostalgia that engulfed him , every time he looked at the clothes in the closet. Memories of life, as it was, as it should have been.
Doug had asked Mike to call him when he was ready to get back to bed . He was told that he was starting to have blisters all around his back and hence should be careful. But today he decided to watch the full episode of “ Law and Order” on TV. Mom was supposed to get here before 11 and will be bringing lunch with her as well. A nice break from his frozen meal routine.
The creak of the opening door, woke him from his slumber. The TV was on, he had no idea that the show had ended and something else had already started. The coffee on the side table had also turned awfully cold and nasty. Mom looked terribly old today, Mike looked around for dad, but mom walked in with a young woman.
“Where is dad” his voice sounded quite grotesque, that had been happening a lot as he was not using the vocal chords much anymore. The last time he used his voice was hours ago before Doug left. He cleared his throat and tried again.
Mom came over and hugged him, her tears were showing up.
“Dad is fine honey, he can’t sit in the car for too long”
Mom introduced Tiara , the daughter of her neighbor. Tiara was kind enough to drive mom as she is not able to drive on her own anymore. Mom brought tuna sandwitches and , pasta for lunch and asked him what he wanted to eat first. He did not have the heart to tell her that he was asked by the doctor to stay off the fatty stuff to prevent the weight gain, which was making it harder for Doug to move him. Mom fed him the pasta while Tiara watched. The irony of life, here he was being treated like a three year old while a pretty young woman watched, he would have asked her out on a date by this time, in his previous life.
Tiara did most of the talking as mom was always quiet around him. She seemed uneasy with the overwhelming silence in the room, Tiara talked about the school where she was teaching , the wise cracks by the seven year olds and the changes implemented by the board. He was desperate to ask about her love life and the marital status but he was fully aware of how absurd and impudent it will sound. She was wearing a navy blue shirt with black pants and looked absolutely stunning. He looked at her full lips and firm breasts and tried to hide his wandering gaze. It had been a very long time since a beautiful woman sat down to talk to him. He would have given anything, anything at all, to make love to her.
“Mike I need to talk to you about something important” mom said
Mike shook himself out of his thought world.
Tiara got up and said that she needs to do a little shopping before they return and promised to come back in an hour to pick mom up. She said that she was happy to see Mike and was embarrassed when she brought her hand forward to Mike, to shake his hand, and he struggled to bring his left hand up. She said an awkward sorry, but he was not sorry about that touch.
He watched Tiara’s long , slender frame leave the room. She closed the door gently behind her .
“Dad had not been doing well for some time Mike” mom said
“what do you mean, what is wrong with him”
“well you knew that he had been forgetting things, I can’t handle him anymore”
The silence after, said it all.
“So what are you planning to do mom?”
“He was moved to a nursing home three months ago, he needs full time care”
Mike felt the anger raising up, why was he not told, why didn’t mom talk to him about all this. Well he knew the answer, so what is the point of getting angry.
“ Mike , I am also moving to the same nursing home to be with your dad, I can’t be on my own anymore” Mom had tears in her eyes. “ I can’t be alone anymore son”
Mike often tried to put himself in his mom’s shoes to see the world through her eyes. Must be horrible to not be able to help her son in anyway, did she deserve this. He had said many unkind words to her over the years, but that was the time when he could actually have been there for her. Lost time, what is the point of crying over it.
Mom got up to leave the leftover food in the fridge and left a note under the magnet for Doug to thank him. She came back and hugged him tight. A weakness seem to come over him quite suddenly, he called Doug by pushing the call button.
Doug was there in a few minutes and was happy to see Mike’s mom.
“Oh hello Mrs. Walker, how are you doing”
After the pleasantries Doug and mom moved to one side of the room and talked in low tones. Mike always hated it when people did that, it felt almost like he was a nobody. At the end of their talk Doug shot anxious glances at Mike, what is she telling him ?
Doug helped Mike back on bed while mom used the bathroom. When mom returned Doug gave her hug and left the room promising to come back to check on him a little later. Mom pulled the blanket up to his chest and sat down on the chair beside him.
“Why did all this happen mom”
Years ago he would have laughed if he had heard of a forty five year old man trying to get answers from his mom, but now his mom seemed to be the only person with answers.
“ I don’t know son, I just don’t know” Mom’s sobbing seemed to pull a knot in his chest and he felt as if his whole body was in fire. Well , he was told that he will not feel any pain below his arms, but he did feel the fire that seemed to swallow him.
Tiara’s car came and stopped outside his window.
“Mom, I think your ride is here”
She looked as if she did not hear him for a minute or two, then she looked at him with tear stained face
“ Mike I am moving to the nursing home in a week, I will not be coming over for Christmas”
He knew that , he may not see his parents again, ever , ever again. Should he try and move to the same nursing home as his parents?? Well that might be a first, having a whole family institutionalized. But will he, he had built a routine around him for the past 7 years. He had built a wall all around him, moving out of those walls would be hard.
Mom kissed him on his cheek and walked out with her small black bag. She did not look back, Tiara waved goodbye from the car.
Mike stared at the moving white car until it made a left at the Main street. A maple leaf danced around in the breeze before slowly settling down on the ground.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Trip to Tirupur
Another night was spent sleeping under the bed. It was quite uncomfortable and little Rupa came out with achy knees. She stretched her body and tried to remember the events from last night, she was hopeful that things would be better between her parents , last night was especially bad She hated it when her parents yelled at each other, which always ended with her mom weeping bitterly and her dad yelling at her and her sister. At times her sister also climbed underneath the bed to give her company. It was always hard to act as if they never saw the bruises on mom’s face which took weeks to vanish.
“ Hey Rupa, it is time for school, go get ready” fifteen year old Ruchi was ready with her ponytailed hair and ironed skirt and shirt
Ruchi was her best pal who realized how sad she felt when her parents fought with each other. The frequency of these fights was really starting to bother her. Rupa knew that Ruchi also cried at night but also knew that she wanted to act brave for her little sister, so Rupa tried hard to keep it with herself.
“Are they talking now, didi??” Rupa asked
“ I have told you, they will be okay soon, don’t worry” Ruchi said, “ Go get ready, I have toasted bread for you, you can have it for breakfast and take the same for lunch as well”
“ But I don’t want bread both times, I hate it now” Rupa liked variety in her meals which was not always possible especially now that their amma was not cooking much. The kitchen had a rather lazy look these days.
“Rupa, don’t argue, I did check in the fridge, there is nothing else”
Rupa decided to not worry her sister and decided to go and have a shower. She did not feel like singing today, she knew that anything could spark her dad’s temper. But she had not heard his voice since morning, she hoped that he had already left for work and then felt guilty about it.
Ruchi was ready with the comb to tie her pony tail after Rupa’s bath. Once they were ready for school they had their breakfast quietly.
“ can I go and say Bye to amma” Rupa asked
“ yes, but make sure that you don’t upset her” Ruchi was getting their toasts into their lunch containers
Rupa went by her parents room and found her mother on the bed. She looked like she had cried through the night. She climbed into bed with her and hugged her tightly. Her mom sniffled and tried to smile for her.
“Hey kutty, did you have something to eat??”
“Yes, Didi toasted bread for me”
“Pack something for lunch too, okay” amma said through her sniffles
“Okay, amma, don’t worry”. Ruchi came by to join in and said “ we have taken some left over food from the fridge”
Their mother called Ruchi over as well and hugged them tight.
“You take care of each other okay…”
“ yes amma,” they both replied
“why is achan so mean?? Rupa asked but soon she regretted it as Ruchi pinched her from the side and gave her an angry look
Their mother did not respond but looked with glassy eyes. She did not get up from the bed to wave good bye when the school bus came. Rupa stuck to her sister all the way to the school. Ruchi carried her lunch bag and water bottle to the entrance of the second grade classroom and insisted that she meet her at the school bus stop after school.
Rupa could not concentrate on her classes and kept thinking of her mom. Will she be okay. She may have taken another day off from work. Oh she did not ask her whether amma wanted to have a cup of tea, Rupa had learned to make tea with tea bags recently, Ruchi had taught her. When the teacher asked for her homework book she realized that she had left it at home, she may have left it under the bed where she had taken it to finish off the work. She could not concentrate on her work with achan’s angry outbursts booming all around her.
During recess she sat by the Neem tree and tried to pray to Hanumanji, she prayed that her parents will get along better and she also added in that she wanted to go to her nani’s place for a vacation some time soon. She liked her grandparents from mom’s side whom she was not allowed to visit very often, she had realized that achan would be grumpier after they visited them in Tirupur. Achan never came with them when they went to Tirupur and refused to even touch the pickle and chips that her nani sent. But he was always happy when they visited Madhurai where his parents lived ,even though his mother complained about Rupa and Ruchi’s behavior constantly. She could not stand the way her dadi complained about her mom’s looks and Rupa’s complexion. Ruchi had started to call dadi “thadaka” and had made Rupa promise that it will be their little secret.
They were quiet on the bus back home, both hopeful that things would be better at home now. She was praying that amma would have made something nice for dinner. They had been having cereal and bread for the past two days. It would have been okay if their maid was coming but she had also taken some time off to go to her native village. Ruchi’s reassuring hand tapped her on the back.
“it is okay Rupam, everything will be okay”
Ruchi called her Rupam when she was really concerned or when she was really angry with her.
When they got home her mom was sitting outside with a cup of tea , she was wearing her orange saree with black elephants, which was Rupa’s favorite. She hugged them close and said,
“Go eat your pongal and then we need to talk”
Rupa was happy that she had made pongal.
“Did you make mint chutney too”
“no kutty, just pongal, you need to wash your hands and eat fast okay”
“Why amma”Rupa asked
Amma did not respond but fed them both with her hands. Ruchi used to be embarrassed when amma fed her at times, but not today.
Once they had pongal and pickle amma asked them to pack their bags.
“ We have to take the five o clock bus to Thirupur, let us go”
Rupa was thrilled that Hanumanji had heard her prayers.” Oh good, let us go, let us go”
Ruchi asked, “when are we coming back”??
“ We are not, I cannot live with your dad anymore, let us get out of here before he gets back”
Rupa realized that the first part of her prayer was not answered and then she was not sure whether she was allowed to be happy.
Amma looked at both of them with teary eyes.
“Sorry, sorry……” amma said
“It is okay amma”, Ruchi said while wiping off her tears. Rupa did not know what to do so she ran in and started to pull out her clothes from the cabinet.
Rupa threw in her clothes and toys along with Ruchi’s clothes and books. Amma’s bag was already packed, amma took off the gold chain that she always wore and kept it beside the idol in the puja room.
“Why are you taking it off amma, I thought you are not allowed to take it off” Rupa asked anxiously
“Oh , I don’t want to loose it on the way, kutty, also it is not needed anymore”
“Oh, okay,” Rupa said as it had made complete sense to her, but she wondered why Ruchi’s eyes were flooding up.
The taxi was there to pick them up, amma had called for the taxi from the neighbor’s home. Ruchi kept the bags in the taxi, Rupa was happy to sit beside the driver.
Amma locked the door and walked out of the house . She turned to look at the house, again. She had lived there for eighteen years. Parvathy, who lived next door came out to wave good bye. Amma could not make herself to wave back
Ruchi and amma got into the back seat.
Amma told the driver “ to the bus station on the B side”
“okay madam” he said.
The taxi moved forward with a jerk
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Another night was spent sleeping under the bed. It was quite uncomfortable and little Rupa came out with achy knees. She stretched her body and tried to remember the events from last night, she was hopeful that things would be better between her parents , last night was especially bad She hated it when her parents yelled at each other, which always ended with her mom weeping bitterly and her dad yelling at her and her sister. At times her sister also climbed underneath the bed to give her company. It was always hard to act as if they never saw the bruises on mom’s face which took weeks to vanish.
“ Hey Rupa, it is time for school, go get ready” fifteen year old Ruchi was ready with her ponytailed hair and ironed skirt and shirt
Ruchi was her best pal who realized how sad she felt when her parents fought with each other. The frequency of these fights was really starting to bother her. Rupa knew that Ruchi also cried at night but also knew that she wanted to act brave for her little sister, so Rupa tried hard to keep it with herself.
“Are they talking now, didi??” Rupa asked
“ I have told you, they will be okay soon, don’t worry” Ruchi said, “ Go get ready, I have toasted bread for you, you can have it for breakfast and take the same for lunch as well”
“ But I don’t want bread both times, I hate it now” Rupa liked variety in her meals which was not always possible especially now that their amma was not cooking much. The kitchen had a rather lazy look these days.
“Rupa, don’t argue, I did check in the fridge, there is nothing else”
Rupa decided to not worry her sister and decided to go and have a shower. She did not feel like singing today, she knew that anything could spark her dad’s temper. But she had not heard his voice since morning, she hoped that he had already left for work and then felt guilty about it.
Ruchi was ready with the comb to tie her pony tail after Rupa’s bath. Once they were ready for school they had their breakfast quietly.
“ can I go and say Bye to amma” Rupa asked
“ yes, but make sure that you don’t upset her” Ruchi was getting their toasts into their lunch containers
Rupa went by her parents room and found her mother on the bed. She looked like she had cried through the night. She climbed into bed with her and hugged her tightly. Her mom sniffled and tried to smile for her.
“Hey kutty, did you have something to eat??”
“Yes, Didi toasted bread for me”
“Pack something for lunch too, okay” amma said through her sniffles
“Okay, amma, don’t worry”. Ruchi came by to join in and said “ we have taken some left over food from the fridge”
Their mother called Ruchi over as well and hugged them tight.
“You take care of each other okay…”
“ yes amma,” they both replied
“why is achan so mean?? Rupa asked but soon she regretted it as Ruchi pinched her from the side and gave her an angry look
Their mother did not respond but looked with glassy eyes. She did not get up from the bed to wave good bye when the school bus came. Rupa stuck to her sister all the way to the school. Ruchi carried her lunch bag and water bottle to the entrance of the second grade classroom and insisted that she meet her at the school bus stop after school.
Rupa could not concentrate on her classes and kept thinking of her mom. Will she be okay. She may have taken another day off from work. Oh she did not ask her whether amma wanted to have a cup of tea, Rupa had learned to make tea with tea bags recently, Ruchi had taught her. When the teacher asked for her homework book she realized that she had left it at home, she may have left it under the bed where she had taken it to finish off the work. She could not concentrate on her work with achan’s angry outbursts booming all around her.
During recess she sat by the Neem tree and tried to pray to Hanumanji, she prayed that her parents will get along better and she also added in that she wanted to go to her nani’s place for a vacation some time soon. She liked her grandparents from mom’s side whom she was not allowed to visit very often, she had realized that achan would be grumpier after they visited them in Tirupur. Achan never came with them when they went to Tirupur and refused to even touch the pickle and chips that her nani sent. But he was always happy when they visited Madhurai where his parents lived ,even though his mother complained about Rupa and Ruchi’s behavior constantly. She could not stand the way her dadi complained about her mom’s looks and Rupa’s complexion. Ruchi had started to call dadi “thadaka” and had made Rupa promise that it will be their little secret.
They were quiet on the bus back home, both hopeful that things would be better at home now. She was praying that amma would have made something nice for dinner. They had been having cereal and bread for the past two days. It would have been okay if their maid was coming but she had also taken some time off to go to her native village. Ruchi’s reassuring hand tapped her on the back.
“it is okay Rupam, everything will be okay”
Ruchi called her Rupam when she was really concerned or when she was really angry with her.
When they got home her mom was sitting outside with a cup of tea , she was wearing her orange saree with black elephants, which was Rupa’s favorite. She hugged them close and said,
“Go eat your pongal and then we need to talk”
Rupa was happy that she had made pongal.
“Did you make mint chutney too”
“no kutty, just pongal, you need to wash your hands and eat fast okay”
“Why amma”Rupa asked
Amma did not respond but fed them both with her hands. Ruchi used to be embarrassed when amma fed her at times, but not today.
Once they had pongal and pickle amma asked them to pack their bags.
“ We have to take the five o clock bus to Thirupur, let us go”
Rupa was thrilled that Hanumanji had heard her prayers.” Oh good, let us go, let us go”
Ruchi asked, “when are we coming back”??
“ We are not, I cannot live with your dad anymore, let us get out of here before he gets back”
Rupa realized that the first part of her prayer was not answered and then she was not sure whether she was allowed to be happy.
Amma looked at both of them with teary eyes.
“Sorry, sorry……” amma said
“It is okay amma”, Ruchi said while wiping off her tears. Rupa did not know what to do so she ran in and started to pull out her clothes from the cabinet.
Rupa threw in her clothes and toys along with Ruchi’s clothes and books. Amma’s bag was already packed, amma took off the gold chain that she always wore and kept it beside the idol in the puja room.
“Why are you taking it off amma, I thought you are not allowed to take it off” Rupa asked anxiously
“Oh , I don’t want to loose it on the way, kutty, also it is not needed anymore”
“Oh, okay,” Rupa said as it had made complete sense to her, but she wondered why Ruchi’s eyes were flooding up.
The taxi was there to pick them up, amma had called for the taxi from the neighbor’s home. Ruchi kept the bags in the taxi, Rupa was happy to sit beside the driver.
Amma locked the door and walked out of the house . She turned to look at the house, again. She had lived there for eighteen years. Parvathy, who lived next door came out to wave good bye. Amma could not make herself to wave back
Ruchi and amma got into the back seat.
Amma told the driver “ to the bus station on the B side”
“okay madam” he said.
The taxi moved forward with a jerk
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
An Encounter
The conference went as planned. The presentation from Anuja’s team got a lot of attention and applause. It was a tiring day, the change in schedule and the polite conversation that was demanded of her, took a lot out of Anuja. After the lunch she decided to take a small nap before joining back in, for the evening banquet. She excused herself from her team and walked towards the elevator to go up to her room on the twelfth floor.
The hotel was in a beautiful location and the open corridor had potted plants on both sides. The petunias and the daisies displayed magnificent colors. She stood for a moment to admire the flowers and while glancing at the rose bush, at a distance, for some reason she was forced to look towards the elevators.
Is it really Vijay?? The tall handsome man in a safari suit walked towards her. She felt a sudden sway and could feel the blood rushing towards her head. She did not have any time to hide.
Vijay walked with his usual big strides and walked right into her space. His brashness used to be a quality that held great attraction for her. She was not aware that he was here, he had met his colleagues and had restrained herself from asking about him, Why open the pandora’s box again?
“Hey Anu, you did an amazing job with the presentation”
Her throat felt parched, she always used to feel embarrassed about her highly emotional self. It didn’t take a lot, to get her to be teary or to throw in a fit. She felt herself staring at Vijay but not saying anything. He has started to grey at the sides, she observed.
“Oh come on Anu, how are you doing?? You won’t talk to me??”
Anu looked at him with her wide eyes and felt like time was standing still.
“Well , you may not have wanted to see me here. How long has it been Anu”
“Ten years”
“ well someone kept count” Vijay laughed gently and then looked away. “Hope you are not busy, let us sit somewhere and talk, I know that the morning sessions are done . You may not be interested in the flaky sessions planned for the afternoon”
Their past together came back like a reel of movie in fast forward. Vijay was the first man who was not afraid of her intellect and intensity. Their relationship remained platonic centered around discussions on the ills of the world and sustainable development for a long time , but somewhere along the line passion and desire crept in which lead to a whirlwind of romance which had thrown her off, her feet. It was wonderful at the time and she had a feeling of perpetual drunkenness emanating from sheer pleasure.
“Anu, you can’t possibly have one of those throat infections now. I heard you talk loud and clear this morning”
“ Good memory, I am impressed, how are you doing Vijay”?? Anu shook herself out of the thought spin
“ how can I possibly forget anything about you, You look stunning in that blue sari, I see that you haven’t changed your hair much”
In these ten years was there a single day when she did not think about him. She thought about Vijay even when she was with Rajesh, she had wondered how Ameya would have looked if she had, had her with Vijay, would she have got Vijay’s big stride and wide smile?? She had tried to catch up with his latest projects on the net and did keep an ear out for news about him, all these ten years.
“Come on Anu, let us sit somewhere and talk”
Vijay had started walking and Anu followed him as if in a daze. She always knew that he held a grip on her unlike any other person in the world.
“I had requested the hotel to rent me one of the cabins at the back , was planning to work on my book while I was here. Let us go in and talk” Vijay said
“NO, I am not coming in, let us get one of the tables near the lake”
“Why Anu, are you now afraid of me , or are you afraid of yourself”
“ I am not afraid of anything, just thought some fresh air would be good”
“ Okay, then let me get a couple of beers from the cabin, we are free till the dinner anyway”
“ No Vijay, I will just go for some water, was planning to nap in my room, I will have to get going soon”
Vijay’s eyes hovered around her face for a bit and slowly he pushed a lock of her hair back into the pony tail. She felt his magnetism and felt dizzy at the awareness that his touch still held the magic, that she vividly remembered. She ached to hug him and kiss his lips. It suddenly felt like ten years of in between, never happened. She distinctly remembered their first kiss in the quiet corner of the library, the black skirt with blue flowers all around that she was wearing, his white golf T shirt with a missing button. She could even recall the smell of old books strewn around.
They sat at the table beside the lake.
“ how is uncle and Aunty” Vijay asked.
Her mother had a fondness for Vijay and did think that they would make a good pair. But dad would hear none of that, marrying a “ thyrusadam” that is what he called Vijay. Dad was afraid that his daughter would be stuck in one of the agraharams in Madhurai and all the money he had spent so far on educating her would go to waste.
“dad died three years ago, amma is living alone in Palakkad”
“ Oh , sorry about your dad, I had been getting some news of yours from Chetana, but she also moved from Madras recently. But I knew that you would be here for the conference, which is why I came” vijay said as if talking to himself.
“Oh…..”
Silence was bordered by the sounds of waves
“ Did you …..marry”Anu asked
“yes, but did not work out. She moved to the UK some time back. Thankfully there wasn’t a big fight. She knew that I didn’t have much money to give as alimony, so it worked out okay”
Hmmmmm
“ how is rajesh and your daughter, what is her name”
“ Ameya”
Thankfully Vijay did not bring up the fact that it was a name that he had picked for a daughter they may one day have had, but he looked at her with his sad eyes.
She had suggested that name rather fondly to Rajesh when they were expecting , thankfully he had agreed instantly, he is not one to fight for anything.
“ she is only seven” Anu added swiftly
Vijay laughed out and said, don’t worry anu, I had never wondered whether she was mine. I knew that you were way smarter than that”
Anu gazed at the lake and the gentle waves hitting the banks. Things would have been so different if she had taken a different decision ten years ago. She could not stand up to her stubborn and controlling father ,but she also added to her thoughts, she now has a caring and devoted husband. Wealth, house, prestige and money. With Vijay and his ways, she may have had just “Love” and that too for how long.
“Anu, are you happy with Rajesh?? I can’t stop thinking about you, I tried , believe me I did. which is why Thanushree left”
Silence was overwhelming, so she asked as an after thought
“was she a Bengali”??
“ Oh yes, Thanushree Banerjee, she is now teaching in London”
“Let me go to my room Vijay, I am tired”
“ you don’t have anything to talk to me Anu?? You don’t think about me”
Could she have brought up the endless times she had googled his name and read his articles, his activism, the criticisms against him. How about the nights when she looked at the full moon to fondly remember the poems he used to narrate to her. She used to feel so beautiful, he could make her feel pretty, any time, any place.
“ Vijay, there is no point in talking about it now, we are way past all that”
“ Really, I can see it in your eyes that it is not all past, I hope that you know how I feel, I think of you every day, every second”
Anu got up and walked towards the back entrance of the hotel. She walked as if in a daze nodding to people she met on the way. The minute she reached her room she called Rajesh, he talked to her about work and how Ameya was playing with their dog “puppy” . She realized that his voice did not have the same pull for her, there was no magnetism as in Vijay’s voice. She felt guilty and dirty, she was already an adulteress in her mind. She took a long shower, watched the warm water flow through her body
She sat by the window and gazed at the lake. Her thoughts flickered back to her days with Vijay, how the rest of the world had seemed irrelevant at the time except when her dad stood like a brick wall between them. Why did it matter so much to her? Was she afraid of walking out with a penniless activist who had nothing else to give , other than passionate poems and dreams of an utopian world. She had moved away from developmental activism and got comfortable with arm chair discussions about the world, but seeing Vijay again stirred emotions which lay dormant for the past ten years.
She was dreading the fact that she will be meeting Vijay again at the dinner. She wore her light purple dress to the dinner with dark purple shoes to match. She decided to leave her hair loose , the way Vijay liked it, but then decided to tie it up..
The party room was huge and was decorated beautifully. She tried to get involved in conversations with the sponsors of the conference and other delegates from across the world, but she found it very hard to focus. Her colleagues wondered if she was okay and she made excuses.
“ You look stunning, but you should have let your hair loose”. His voice shook her out of the reverie and those eyes pierced right through. Vijay looked great in his suit. When the others joined in they had a chat about the education programs in the rural community and programs on domestic violence. Vijay and Anu did not contribute much . She had to try very hard to keep her gaze from falling on him, but felt his eyes right on her the whole time.
Thankfully they were seated at two ends of the room. Food was served by well attired waiters but Anu had a hard time eating. Her stomach churned and ached and she wanted to turn and look at Vijay to see whether he was looking at her.
When the live music program started at the end of the meal she felt a slight touch on her hand.
Vijay asked the rest of the table whether she could be excused for a private discussion on future projects. A couple of her table mates objected and commented that she had worked hard for this event and that she should be having a break. Anu excused herself and they walked out nodding their heads or smiling at everyone they knew.
The air outside was chilly. Darkness still had not crept in. They walked silently towards the table where they had sat this morning. They looked at each other.
“Anu come with me, please”
She did not respond. She looked at him
Vijay moved to a chair closer to her and took her hand. He turned her wedding ring around a few times. Anu pulled her hand back.
“ Please Anu, let us start over again”
Tears welled up and was flowing down her cheeks. Feelings which were tightly restrained for years came out like a massive surge. His hands encircled her and his lips moved all over her face with a passion beyond anything she had known, for years. She felt wanted.
Her cell phone rang, she pushed Vijay back and got the phone from her small purse. It was Ameya wishing her good night and wondering how the day went. She had to lie to her daughter that she had a cold when she asked about her sniffles. Ameya warned her against drinking anything cold, which is what she used to tell her daughter, when she suffers from a cold.
She kept her phone back in the purse and looked into Vijays longing eyes.
“ I can’t Vijay, I know I love you and that no one can replace you in my heart, but I can’t put Ameya through it”
It was Vijay’s turn to cry, Anu had never seen him cry even when she asked him to leave ten years ago from her parents’s home.
“ Vijay, I am going to be forty years old, it is too late to start over”\
She felt herself choking up, when she stood up Vijay tried to bury himself into her breasts. She pushed him back once again and walked . Thankfully she did not meet many people on the way as the music program was still going on. She sat at a rock closest to the lake, the chilliness in the air shook her. She must have sat there for hours or may be minutes. Can she really say good bye to Vijay, once again.
She walked back to Vijay’s cabin and knocked at his door, he was thrilled to see her .
“Vijay, I can’t give myself to you for the rest of my life but I want you for this night. I am tired of being, the responsible good girl” She sank into his strong arms and cried.
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The hotel was in a beautiful location and the open corridor had potted plants on both sides. The petunias and the daisies displayed magnificent colors. She stood for a moment to admire the flowers and while glancing at the rose bush, at a distance, for some reason she was forced to look towards the elevators.
Is it really Vijay?? The tall handsome man in a safari suit walked towards her. She felt a sudden sway and could feel the blood rushing towards her head. She did not have any time to hide.
Vijay walked with his usual big strides and walked right into her space. His brashness used to be a quality that held great attraction for her. She was not aware that he was here, he had met his colleagues and had restrained herself from asking about him, Why open the pandora’s box again?
“Hey Anu, you did an amazing job with the presentation”
Her throat felt parched, she always used to feel embarrassed about her highly emotional self. It didn’t take a lot, to get her to be teary or to throw in a fit. She felt herself staring at Vijay but not saying anything. He has started to grey at the sides, she observed.
“Oh come on Anu, how are you doing?? You won’t talk to me??”
Anu looked at him with her wide eyes and felt like time was standing still.
“Well , you may not have wanted to see me here. How long has it been Anu”
“Ten years”
“ well someone kept count” Vijay laughed gently and then looked away. “Hope you are not busy, let us sit somewhere and talk, I know that the morning sessions are done . You may not be interested in the flaky sessions planned for the afternoon”
Their past together came back like a reel of movie in fast forward. Vijay was the first man who was not afraid of her intellect and intensity. Their relationship remained platonic centered around discussions on the ills of the world and sustainable development for a long time , but somewhere along the line passion and desire crept in which lead to a whirlwind of romance which had thrown her off, her feet. It was wonderful at the time and she had a feeling of perpetual drunkenness emanating from sheer pleasure.
“Anu, you can’t possibly have one of those throat infections now. I heard you talk loud and clear this morning”
“ Good memory, I am impressed, how are you doing Vijay”?? Anu shook herself out of the thought spin
“ how can I possibly forget anything about you, You look stunning in that blue sari, I see that you haven’t changed your hair much”
In these ten years was there a single day when she did not think about him. She thought about Vijay even when she was with Rajesh, she had wondered how Ameya would have looked if she had, had her with Vijay, would she have got Vijay’s big stride and wide smile?? She had tried to catch up with his latest projects on the net and did keep an ear out for news about him, all these ten years.
“Come on Anu, let us sit somewhere and talk”
Vijay had started walking and Anu followed him as if in a daze. She always knew that he held a grip on her unlike any other person in the world.
“I had requested the hotel to rent me one of the cabins at the back , was planning to work on my book while I was here. Let us go in and talk” Vijay said
“NO, I am not coming in, let us get one of the tables near the lake”
“Why Anu, are you now afraid of me , or are you afraid of yourself”
“ I am not afraid of anything, just thought some fresh air would be good”
“ Okay, then let me get a couple of beers from the cabin, we are free till the dinner anyway”
“ No Vijay, I will just go for some water, was planning to nap in my room, I will have to get going soon”
Vijay’s eyes hovered around her face for a bit and slowly he pushed a lock of her hair back into the pony tail. She felt his magnetism and felt dizzy at the awareness that his touch still held the magic, that she vividly remembered. She ached to hug him and kiss his lips. It suddenly felt like ten years of in between, never happened. She distinctly remembered their first kiss in the quiet corner of the library, the black skirt with blue flowers all around that she was wearing, his white golf T shirt with a missing button. She could even recall the smell of old books strewn around.
They sat at the table beside the lake.
“ how is uncle and Aunty” Vijay asked.
Her mother had a fondness for Vijay and did think that they would make a good pair. But dad would hear none of that, marrying a “ thyrusadam” that is what he called Vijay. Dad was afraid that his daughter would be stuck in one of the agraharams in Madhurai and all the money he had spent so far on educating her would go to waste.
“dad died three years ago, amma is living alone in Palakkad”
“ Oh , sorry about your dad, I had been getting some news of yours from Chetana, but she also moved from Madras recently. But I knew that you would be here for the conference, which is why I came” vijay said as if talking to himself.
“Oh…..”
Silence was bordered by the sounds of waves
“ Did you …..marry”Anu asked
“yes, but did not work out. She moved to the UK some time back. Thankfully there wasn’t a big fight. She knew that I didn’t have much money to give as alimony, so it worked out okay”
Hmmmmm
“ how is rajesh and your daughter, what is her name”
“ Ameya”
Thankfully Vijay did not bring up the fact that it was a name that he had picked for a daughter they may one day have had, but he looked at her with his sad eyes.
She had suggested that name rather fondly to Rajesh when they were expecting , thankfully he had agreed instantly, he is not one to fight for anything.
“ she is only seven” Anu added swiftly
Vijay laughed out and said, don’t worry anu, I had never wondered whether she was mine. I knew that you were way smarter than that”
Anu gazed at the lake and the gentle waves hitting the banks. Things would have been so different if she had taken a different decision ten years ago. She could not stand up to her stubborn and controlling father ,but she also added to her thoughts, she now has a caring and devoted husband. Wealth, house, prestige and money. With Vijay and his ways, she may have had just “Love” and that too for how long.
“Anu, are you happy with Rajesh?? I can’t stop thinking about you, I tried , believe me I did. which is why Thanushree left”
Silence was overwhelming, so she asked as an after thought
“was she a Bengali”??
“ Oh yes, Thanushree Banerjee, she is now teaching in London”
“Let me go to my room Vijay, I am tired”
“ you don’t have anything to talk to me Anu?? You don’t think about me”
Could she have brought up the endless times she had googled his name and read his articles, his activism, the criticisms against him. How about the nights when she looked at the full moon to fondly remember the poems he used to narrate to her. She used to feel so beautiful, he could make her feel pretty, any time, any place.
“ Vijay, there is no point in talking about it now, we are way past all that”
“ Really, I can see it in your eyes that it is not all past, I hope that you know how I feel, I think of you every day, every second”
Anu got up and walked towards the back entrance of the hotel. She walked as if in a daze nodding to people she met on the way. The minute she reached her room she called Rajesh, he talked to her about work and how Ameya was playing with their dog “puppy” . She realized that his voice did not have the same pull for her, there was no magnetism as in Vijay’s voice. She felt guilty and dirty, she was already an adulteress in her mind. She took a long shower, watched the warm water flow through her body
She sat by the window and gazed at the lake. Her thoughts flickered back to her days with Vijay, how the rest of the world had seemed irrelevant at the time except when her dad stood like a brick wall between them. Why did it matter so much to her? Was she afraid of walking out with a penniless activist who had nothing else to give , other than passionate poems and dreams of an utopian world. She had moved away from developmental activism and got comfortable with arm chair discussions about the world, but seeing Vijay again stirred emotions which lay dormant for the past ten years.
She was dreading the fact that she will be meeting Vijay again at the dinner. She wore her light purple dress to the dinner with dark purple shoes to match. She decided to leave her hair loose , the way Vijay liked it, but then decided to tie it up..
The party room was huge and was decorated beautifully. She tried to get involved in conversations with the sponsors of the conference and other delegates from across the world, but she found it very hard to focus. Her colleagues wondered if she was okay and she made excuses.
“ You look stunning, but you should have let your hair loose”. His voice shook her out of the reverie and those eyes pierced right through. Vijay looked great in his suit. When the others joined in they had a chat about the education programs in the rural community and programs on domestic violence. Vijay and Anu did not contribute much . She had to try very hard to keep her gaze from falling on him, but felt his eyes right on her the whole time.
Thankfully they were seated at two ends of the room. Food was served by well attired waiters but Anu had a hard time eating. Her stomach churned and ached and she wanted to turn and look at Vijay to see whether he was looking at her.
When the live music program started at the end of the meal she felt a slight touch on her hand.
Vijay asked the rest of the table whether she could be excused for a private discussion on future projects. A couple of her table mates objected and commented that she had worked hard for this event and that she should be having a break. Anu excused herself and they walked out nodding their heads or smiling at everyone they knew.
The air outside was chilly. Darkness still had not crept in. They walked silently towards the table where they had sat this morning. They looked at each other.
“Anu come with me, please”
She did not respond. She looked at him
Vijay moved to a chair closer to her and took her hand. He turned her wedding ring around a few times. Anu pulled her hand back.
“ Please Anu, let us start over again”
Tears welled up and was flowing down her cheeks. Feelings which were tightly restrained for years came out like a massive surge. His hands encircled her and his lips moved all over her face with a passion beyond anything she had known, for years. She felt wanted.
Her cell phone rang, she pushed Vijay back and got the phone from her small purse. It was Ameya wishing her good night and wondering how the day went. She had to lie to her daughter that she had a cold when she asked about her sniffles. Ameya warned her against drinking anything cold, which is what she used to tell her daughter, when she suffers from a cold.
She kept her phone back in the purse and looked into Vijays longing eyes.
“ I can’t Vijay, I know I love you and that no one can replace you in my heart, but I can’t put Ameya through it”
It was Vijay’s turn to cry, Anu had never seen him cry even when she asked him to leave ten years ago from her parents’s home.
“ Vijay, I am going to be forty years old, it is too late to start over”\
She felt herself choking up, when she stood up Vijay tried to bury himself into her breasts. She pushed him back once again and walked . Thankfully she did not meet many people on the way as the music program was still going on. She sat at a rock closest to the lake, the chilliness in the air shook her. She must have sat there for hours or may be minutes. Can she really say good bye to Vijay, once again.
She walked back to Vijay’s cabin and knocked at his door, he was thrilled to see her .
“Vijay, I can’t give myself to you for the rest of my life but I want you for this night. I am tired of being, the responsible good girl” She sank into his strong arms and cried.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A morning by the river
The river meandered around the curves of the land, swelling and sinking on the way. Its color changed depending on the time of the day and the season.When the sun rose the orangish tint that it took on gave a glow to the whole place, it moved on sinking the tint deep under. The moss covered banks were slippery and slushy.Sleepy kids brushed their yellowy teeth on the banks and spit their greenish paste into the water. The river moved on mixing in the pasty phlegm and trying to cover up the embarrassment. The coconut trees on the side swayed lightly in the breeze, some of them lying half way across the breadth of the river, from where kids could jump right into the middle of the water.
Women washed their dirty laundry on the banks while yapping loudly, they complained about their lazy husbands and heartless sons. The clothes were scrubbed loudly on the rocks by the side and the dirty water joined the river, again it tried to hide the dirt and the soapy bubbles from the bar soap. It did not hold on to the stories it heard every day, it moved on , to reach its destiny.
A coconut that broke off from the tree when a rascal was jumping, bobbed up and down in the stream. It tried to move slowly to the side but the river was quick to catch up. It was forced once again into the stream pushed forcefully and moved towards unknown lands. A little leaf joined in the journey but was soon separated from the coconut as they both had different destinies. The leaf tried to flow by but got stuck beside a little rock . It repeatedly tried to overcome the rock but finally gave up and nestled next to the rock, a pact of peace indeed. The coconut kept pace , not fighting the rhythm, not looking back at the tree it came from, bobbing up and down as before.
Rain drops started to fall like little buttons first and then gained momentum. Buttons turned to little balls and then to big balls. The gla gla song that the river was singing until then turned to the blurp blurp. Raindrops made designs of great beauty and the trees swayed to show their appreciation to the kaleidoscope of nature displayed in front of them. A fog like hue descended which covered the orange tint with great mastery. RAIN RAIN…….
The little leaf suddenly gained its freedom and took the chance to flee. Rock was not amused, it gazed on. Happy to have company the river took the traveler along.
The eeriness of the fog scared the crows and other birds who came to hide under the leaves on the tree. They flapped their wings and shook off the water from the feathers only to be wet again. A couple of myenas sat close together giving each other warmth and looked lazily at the river.
River moved on, as it always has , towards its destination.
The river meandered around the curves of the land, swelling and sinking on the way. Its color changed depending on the time of the day and the season.When the sun rose the orangish tint that it took on gave a glow to the whole place, it moved on sinking the tint deep under. The moss covered banks were slippery and slushy.Sleepy kids brushed their yellowy teeth on the banks and spit their greenish paste into the water. The river moved on mixing in the pasty phlegm and trying to cover up the embarrassment. The coconut trees on the side swayed lightly in the breeze, some of them lying half way across the breadth of the river, from where kids could jump right into the middle of the water.
Women washed their dirty laundry on the banks while yapping loudly, they complained about their lazy husbands and heartless sons. The clothes were scrubbed loudly on the rocks by the side and the dirty water joined the river, again it tried to hide the dirt and the soapy bubbles from the bar soap. It did not hold on to the stories it heard every day, it moved on , to reach its destiny.
A coconut that broke off from the tree when a rascal was jumping, bobbed up and down in the stream. It tried to move slowly to the side but the river was quick to catch up. It was forced once again into the stream pushed forcefully and moved towards unknown lands. A little leaf joined in the journey but was soon separated from the coconut as they both had different destinies. The leaf tried to flow by but got stuck beside a little rock . It repeatedly tried to overcome the rock but finally gave up and nestled next to the rock, a pact of peace indeed. The coconut kept pace , not fighting the rhythm, not looking back at the tree it came from, bobbing up and down as before.
Rain drops started to fall like little buttons first and then gained momentum. Buttons turned to little balls and then to big balls. The gla gla song that the river was singing until then turned to the blurp blurp. Raindrops made designs of great beauty and the trees swayed to show their appreciation to the kaleidoscope of nature displayed in front of them. A fog like hue descended which covered the orange tint with great mastery. RAIN RAIN…….
The little leaf suddenly gained its freedom and took the chance to flee. Rock was not amused, it gazed on. Happy to have company the river took the traveler along.
The eeriness of the fog scared the crows and other birds who came to hide under the leaves on the tree. They flapped their wings and shook off the water from the feathers only to be wet again. A couple of myenas sat close together giving each other warmth and looked lazily at the river.
River moved on, as it always has , towards its destination.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Fort
The bus took a winding path along the rocky terrain and there, the fort of Sinhagad was in full view. The once magnificent and majestic, the pride of the Marathas for which the great Narvir Tanaji lost his life.
“We have over three hours to spend in this fort. Please make sure that all of you get back to the bus at 2.00 pm sharp. The time now is 11.00am” the announcement from the tour guide woke me up from the reverie.
“Let us climb those stairs and see who reaches the top first”
Payal was still her energetic self; it has been four days since we left the hostel to loosen ourselves in the treasures of a hidden India. We have always been excited and fascinated by the great history of India and especially the Maratha Empire. Shivaji with all his handsomeness and valor played a “number on us” as we put it. So here we are vagabonds trying to hide from our protective families and discover a little part of the universe on our own.
The fort had steep stairs at the entrance, the stairs in a dilapidated condition. Tourists were mulling around and yawning from boredom. In this technological era no one seem to have to time to think of the great war and the victory of the Marathas over the then powerful Mughal kingdom. This is just another stop for most to look around and have their vada paav on top of one of the rocks, may be that the great Shivaji himself sat on very same rock.
“Come on, Vrinda, let us run up the stairs.”
We both started running up the stairs, it helped that we did not have heavy backpacks, just a couple of tops and the unmentionables and a few hundred rupees. Payal as usual reached the top first. She has always been the athletic one among my friends. She did her regular “nana na boo boo” stint on top and I as usual ignored her.
We strayed from our tour group comprising of some honey-mooners, some older couples and a few college guys who were trying to hit on us right from the start of the trip. They soon lost their interest when they realized that we were not looking for company.
The fort looked haunted to me, I heard faint sounds of horse hoofs, the war cries, but when I talked about this to Payal she laughed.
“Here you go again, Vrinda, you’ll never change. You and your great imagination”
I kept hearing the hoofs but did not dare to mention that again to Payal. We went around the fort to see the huge cannon halls. The little spaces with grass growing all around the rocks, the board saying that it is a heritage site and that the Archeological Society of India has taken over the maintenance of the fort etc etc. The heat of the summer sun was wearing us out. People who were interested in looking around were far off. We sat on top of one of the rocks of the fort but quickly jumped away. The fort was of such height that the trees looked like puny babies wailing from down below. I had no wish to fall to death especially at this sweet age.
There were some local women sitting in the shade a little distance away. They had their colorful sarees wound around their head and they were fanning themselves with the tips of the same saree. We walked over; the women had little matkas of buttermilk with them, which they were selling. Payal asked for two for both of us, in Marathi. Even after years of living in Maharashtra I had not picked up much Marathi other than to say “hello” and “where are you going”
We paid 6 rupees for two matkas and sat beside the women, they were very happy to make some space for us to sit as well. Payal started chatting away with them and explained to me that they had come from the village which lay below the fort and that they come every day to sell matkas of butter milk. The usually bring 50-60 matkas and butter milk in a big can. On a good day they can sell all of their matkas and hence make some money.
The buttermilk tasted heavenly, sweet and sour and salty. The tastes played a dance on my tongue. We sat there drinking the buttermilk and chatting to the women for some more time.
We went to explore the rest of the fort, hidden corridors, and secret meeting rooms. Once again the sound of the horse hoofs are getting louder. I see the lion of Marathas, his heroic stance with the sword pulled out.
‘You are out to lunch again , aren’t you” Payal chirping
No, I was just looking around and thinking how it must have been in the past.
“You are too much of a dreamer”
The Casanova’s that we had in the bus came back to hit on us. Possibly thinking that we would be game in a heritage site. Payal asked them to go take a hike.
We found a cool spot in one of the corners of the fort where no one was going in. People seem, to loose interest in the place soon after they come up the stairs and hence they don’t even go to the area at the back. History does not hold much value anymore. Valor does not seem to respected anymore either, all that matter is money.
There is another hour to go before we need to head back to the bus, we decided to take out one of our tops and lie on a rock in the shade.
Horse hoofs getting louder, Maratha emperor’s voice echoing through the walls, the cries of the wounded soldiers, the Mughals retreating and pacing back for the forests and hiding behind the mountains.
By the time we woke up, sun was setting and the time was 5pm.
“Oh my god, the bus”.
We took our tops that we were using as pillows and started to run. We came to the front of the fort and saw that our bus had left already. There were a couple of other tourist buses, which were getting filled up as well.
“How do we get back from this god forsaken place”, Payal was on the verge of tears. It was time for me to be brave.
“Remember the tour guide saying that there is a small little guest house run by a family out here”
“So”
“This is a beautiful place, let us stay here tonight. No one will be looking for us tonight anyway”
Payal was shocked by this bold proposal coming from me. Should we at least try to squeeze into one of those buses Then we both decided “Naaah”
The fort looked beautiful under the setting sun, most people had left the fort, the women who were selling buttermilk were wrapping up their stuff to leave the fort as well and was shocked to see us still there. Payal got the directions to the guest house from them and also advise from them that two girls should not be staying alone in an isolated guest house. We said thanks for the directions and the free advise and started to tread our way to the guesthouse.
Crickets had started to chip away and there was an eerie air to the whole place. Sun’s rays were receding fast and it looked as if the trees were getting ready to sleep. Birds were making their way back to their nests.
Walk around the fort was not easy as there were lots of thorny plants around. The thorns were getting caught on our jeans. We stopped on our way to take out the thorns.
At a little distance we saw a small little place with the lights on. The verandah was bare except for a little table, which was rather strange.
There was no calling bell outside but we could hear a child crying inside. We knocked at the door and much to our relief a young woman opened the door. She looked very surprised to see us and asked us in Marathi as to why we were there
Payal informed her that we were looking for a place to stay for the night. She looked around us possibly looking for that escort. Payal explained that we were on our own and she couldn’t help but say “Hey Ram !”
She, Manjusha explained that she and her husband are the caretakers for the guesthouse and that on most days there are no bookings. She was eager to assist us and showed us to a small but clean room with four beds. She informed us that most of the time when there is a booking it is for a big group or big family; hence they have rooms with four or more beds in it. We made sure that she would be charging us for just the two beds. We paid her the 300rs, which was the cost of the bed and meals. She asked us what we would like for dinner and we agreed on rotis, daal and baingun fry (we asked for okra bhaji but she did not have any okra and it was too late to get some from the village)
The rooms were on one side of the guesthouse and Manjusha and family lived on the other side. There was a small veranda outside our room, which looked into the valley on one side of the fort. The forts looked, dejected and lonely and seem to be calling me.
“Come Vrinda, come.
I will show you what happened. Come Vrinda”
Soon we had our shower and felt quite fresh. Night was pitch dark, stars twinkling up in the sky, cricket chirping was a lot louder. We sat on the verandah and looked out. Our stomachs were growling. After our breakfast this morning we hadn’t had anything decent until now. Payal started to sing to her imaginary lover, “Just think of me and I will be there, don’t be afraid oh my love….”
We heard Munjusha calling out, “Didi, food is ready” we had gotten used to being called Didi by everyone, that seem to be Marathi culture. Didi did not mean big sister alone, it was a way to give respect
Rice, rotis, daal and bahji were so good that we were ready to eat our fingers which brought those heavenly things to our mouth. Balram, Munjusha’s husband who seemed like a very pleasant guy came over to make sure that we were okay and that we did not need anything else. We confirmed that we were comfortable. After another hour of lazing around in the verandah we decided to hit the sack.
******
Pitch dark, sound of the horse hooves getting louder and louder. People crying, the swish of the swords. Brave Narvir Tanaji fighting on top of the horse, the pet lizard of Shivaji dragging the rope up the fort.
My sleep was disturbed. I saw Shivaji being informed by the messenger that the fort is ours but brave Nanaji was killed in the battle
Upset Shivaji said
“Gadh Ala, pan Sinha Gela”
other courtiers were all echoing “ Gadh Ala , Pan Sinha Gela”
Shivaji came to the fort to pay respects. Horse hooves, the sounds dying down. The fort ruled by the Marathas, the height of maratha glory.
******
Was that a dream??? The whole night seemed to have gone by. Light was trickling in through the curtains. Payal was sound asleep when I woke up. Does not feel like I slept at all. I woke up and went out to the verandah. Fort looks strange, is it haunted? Haunted by the unknowns who were killed in 1670, are they the souls of the Marathas or the Mughals??
Sun rising. Munjusha called out, “Didi chai ya coffee”?
Coffee, I yelled back
Suddenly this line came back to me “Gadh ala, pan sinha gela”. Since Payal was still sleeping decided to ask Munjusha. I went over to her and said
“gadh ala pan sinha gela”.
She started to laugh. I said “ meaning”
She could not understand so I came back and woke up Payal who was abusive at being woken up. I asked her what does that line mean.
She looked surprised and commented; at last you say a full Marathi sentence.
“What does that mean??
“Where did you get that sentence”
I explained about the dream and said that is what Shivaji said in the dream. Payal seemed shocked and explained that this was what Shivaji was said to have exclaimed when he was informed of the victory of the Marathas but the death of the great Narvir Tanaji.
“Gadh ala pan sinha Gela” which means the fort is gained but the lion is lost
How did I know that?? How can my mind come up with a full Marathi sentence and that too the exact sentence Shivaji said. Did I read about the fort before??
Steaming hot coffee was served by Munjusha. A lot more sugary than I like but it felt nice on my throat. As decided yesterday Munjusha served Poha and pickle for breakfast.
By eleven we were ready to leave the fort. Tourist buses had started to arrive and once again uninterested people descending upon the fort to take pictures and just look around. We went down the flight of stairs, but the fort seem to say once again
“gadh ala , pan sinha gela”
Sinhagad fort which is located near the city of pune, India, was won by the Marathas after the great battle of Sinhagad in 1670. The Great Narvir tanaji of the Marathas won over UdayBhan of the Mughals. The fort’s original name was “Kundana”
The bus took a winding path along the rocky terrain and there, the fort of Sinhagad was in full view. The once magnificent and majestic, the pride of the Marathas for which the great Narvir Tanaji lost his life.
“We have over three hours to spend in this fort. Please make sure that all of you get back to the bus at 2.00 pm sharp. The time now is 11.00am” the announcement from the tour guide woke me up from the reverie.
“Let us climb those stairs and see who reaches the top first”
Payal was still her energetic self; it has been four days since we left the hostel to loosen ourselves in the treasures of a hidden India. We have always been excited and fascinated by the great history of India and especially the Maratha Empire. Shivaji with all his handsomeness and valor played a “number on us” as we put it. So here we are vagabonds trying to hide from our protective families and discover a little part of the universe on our own.
The fort had steep stairs at the entrance, the stairs in a dilapidated condition. Tourists were mulling around and yawning from boredom. In this technological era no one seem to have to time to think of the great war and the victory of the Marathas over the then powerful Mughal kingdom. This is just another stop for most to look around and have their vada paav on top of one of the rocks, may be that the great Shivaji himself sat on very same rock.
“Come on, Vrinda, let us run up the stairs.”
We both started running up the stairs, it helped that we did not have heavy backpacks, just a couple of tops and the unmentionables and a few hundred rupees. Payal as usual reached the top first. She has always been the athletic one among my friends. She did her regular “nana na boo boo” stint on top and I as usual ignored her.
We strayed from our tour group comprising of some honey-mooners, some older couples and a few college guys who were trying to hit on us right from the start of the trip. They soon lost their interest when they realized that we were not looking for company.
The fort looked haunted to me, I heard faint sounds of horse hoofs, the war cries, but when I talked about this to Payal she laughed.
“Here you go again, Vrinda, you’ll never change. You and your great imagination”
I kept hearing the hoofs but did not dare to mention that again to Payal. We went around the fort to see the huge cannon halls. The little spaces with grass growing all around the rocks, the board saying that it is a heritage site and that the Archeological Society of India has taken over the maintenance of the fort etc etc. The heat of the summer sun was wearing us out. People who were interested in looking around were far off. We sat on top of one of the rocks of the fort but quickly jumped away. The fort was of such height that the trees looked like puny babies wailing from down below. I had no wish to fall to death especially at this sweet age.
There were some local women sitting in the shade a little distance away. They had their colorful sarees wound around their head and they were fanning themselves with the tips of the same saree. We walked over; the women had little matkas of buttermilk with them, which they were selling. Payal asked for two for both of us, in Marathi. Even after years of living in Maharashtra I had not picked up much Marathi other than to say “hello” and “where are you going”
We paid 6 rupees for two matkas and sat beside the women, they were very happy to make some space for us to sit as well. Payal started chatting away with them and explained to me that they had come from the village which lay below the fort and that they come every day to sell matkas of butter milk. The usually bring 50-60 matkas and butter milk in a big can. On a good day they can sell all of their matkas and hence make some money.
The buttermilk tasted heavenly, sweet and sour and salty. The tastes played a dance on my tongue. We sat there drinking the buttermilk and chatting to the women for some more time.
We went to explore the rest of the fort, hidden corridors, and secret meeting rooms. Once again the sound of the horse hoofs are getting louder. I see the lion of Marathas, his heroic stance with the sword pulled out.
‘You are out to lunch again , aren’t you” Payal chirping
No, I was just looking around and thinking how it must have been in the past.
“You are too much of a dreamer”
The Casanova’s that we had in the bus came back to hit on us. Possibly thinking that we would be game in a heritage site. Payal asked them to go take a hike.
We found a cool spot in one of the corners of the fort where no one was going in. People seem, to loose interest in the place soon after they come up the stairs and hence they don’t even go to the area at the back. History does not hold much value anymore. Valor does not seem to respected anymore either, all that matter is money.
There is another hour to go before we need to head back to the bus, we decided to take out one of our tops and lie on a rock in the shade.
Horse hoofs getting louder, Maratha emperor’s voice echoing through the walls, the cries of the wounded soldiers, the Mughals retreating and pacing back for the forests and hiding behind the mountains.
By the time we woke up, sun was setting and the time was 5pm.
“Oh my god, the bus”.
We took our tops that we were using as pillows and started to run. We came to the front of the fort and saw that our bus had left already. There were a couple of other tourist buses, which were getting filled up as well.
“How do we get back from this god forsaken place”, Payal was on the verge of tears. It was time for me to be brave.
“Remember the tour guide saying that there is a small little guest house run by a family out here”
“So”
“This is a beautiful place, let us stay here tonight. No one will be looking for us tonight anyway”
Payal was shocked by this bold proposal coming from me. Should we at least try to squeeze into one of those buses Then we both decided “Naaah”
The fort looked beautiful under the setting sun, most people had left the fort, the women who were selling buttermilk were wrapping up their stuff to leave the fort as well and was shocked to see us still there. Payal got the directions to the guest house from them and also advise from them that two girls should not be staying alone in an isolated guest house. We said thanks for the directions and the free advise and started to tread our way to the guesthouse.
Crickets had started to chip away and there was an eerie air to the whole place. Sun’s rays were receding fast and it looked as if the trees were getting ready to sleep. Birds were making their way back to their nests.
Walk around the fort was not easy as there were lots of thorny plants around. The thorns were getting caught on our jeans. We stopped on our way to take out the thorns.
At a little distance we saw a small little place with the lights on. The verandah was bare except for a little table, which was rather strange.
There was no calling bell outside but we could hear a child crying inside. We knocked at the door and much to our relief a young woman opened the door. She looked very surprised to see us and asked us in Marathi as to why we were there
Payal informed her that we were looking for a place to stay for the night. She looked around us possibly looking for that escort. Payal explained that we were on our own and she couldn’t help but say “Hey Ram !”
She, Manjusha explained that she and her husband are the caretakers for the guesthouse and that on most days there are no bookings. She was eager to assist us and showed us to a small but clean room with four beds. She informed us that most of the time when there is a booking it is for a big group or big family; hence they have rooms with four or more beds in it. We made sure that she would be charging us for just the two beds. We paid her the 300rs, which was the cost of the bed and meals. She asked us what we would like for dinner and we agreed on rotis, daal and baingun fry (we asked for okra bhaji but she did not have any okra and it was too late to get some from the village)
The rooms were on one side of the guesthouse and Manjusha and family lived on the other side. There was a small veranda outside our room, which looked into the valley on one side of the fort. The forts looked, dejected and lonely and seem to be calling me.
“Come Vrinda, come.
I will show you what happened. Come Vrinda”
Soon we had our shower and felt quite fresh. Night was pitch dark, stars twinkling up in the sky, cricket chirping was a lot louder. We sat on the verandah and looked out. Our stomachs were growling. After our breakfast this morning we hadn’t had anything decent until now. Payal started to sing to her imaginary lover, “Just think of me and I will be there, don’t be afraid oh my love….”
We heard Munjusha calling out, “Didi, food is ready” we had gotten used to being called Didi by everyone, that seem to be Marathi culture. Didi did not mean big sister alone, it was a way to give respect
Rice, rotis, daal and bahji were so good that we were ready to eat our fingers which brought those heavenly things to our mouth. Balram, Munjusha’s husband who seemed like a very pleasant guy came over to make sure that we were okay and that we did not need anything else. We confirmed that we were comfortable. After another hour of lazing around in the verandah we decided to hit the sack.
******
Pitch dark, sound of the horse hooves getting louder and louder. People crying, the swish of the swords. Brave Narvir Tanaji fighting on top of the horse, the pet lizard of Shivaji dragging the rope up the fort.
My sleep was disturbed. I saw Shivaji being informed by the messenger that the fort is ours but brave Nanaji was killed in the battle
Upset Shivaji said
“Gadh Ala, pan Sinha Gela”
other courtiers were all echoing “ Gadh Ala , Pan Sinha Gela”
Shivaji came to the fort to pay respects. Horse hooves, the sounds dying down. The fort ruled by the Marathas, the height of maratha glory.
******
Was that a dream??? The whole night seemed to have gone by. Light was trickling in through the curtains. Payal was sound asleep when I woke up. Does not feel like I slept at all. I woke up and went out to the verandah. Fort looks strange, is it haunted? Haunted by the unknowns who were killed in 1670, are they the souls of the Marathas or the Mughals??
Sun rising. Munjusha called out, “Didi chai ya coffee”?
Coffee, I yelled back
Suddenly this line came back to me “Gadh ala, pan sinha gela”. Since Payal was still sleeping decided to ask Munjusha. I went over to her and said
“gadh ala pan sinha gela”.
She started to laugh. I said “ meaning”
She could not understand so I came back and woke up Payal who was abusive at being woken up. I asked her what does that line mean.
She looked surprised and commented; at last you say a full Marathi sentence.
“What does that mean??
“Where did you get that sentence”
I explained about the dream and said that is what Shivaji said in the dream. Payal seemed shocked and explained that this was what Shivaji was said to have exclaimed when he was informed of the victory of the Marathas but the death of the great Narvir Tanaji.
“Gadh ala pan sinha Gela” which means the fort is gained but the lion is lost
How did I know that?? How can my mind come up with a full Marathi sentence and that too the exact sentence Shivaji said. Did I read about the fort before??
Steaming hot coffee was served by Munjusha. A lot more sugary than I like but it felt nice on my throat. As decided yesterday Munjusha served Poha and pickle for breakfast.
By eleven we were ready to leave the fort. Tourist buses had started to arrive and once again uninterested people descending upon the fort to take pictures and just look around. We went down the flight of stairs, but the fort seem to say once again
“gadh ala , pan sinha gela”
Sinhagad fort which is located near the city of pune, India, was won by the Marathas after the great battle of Sinhagad in 1670. The Great Narvir tanaji of the Marathas won over UdayBhan of the Mughals. The fort’s original name was “Kundana”
SNIPPET FROM LIFE…
When Harvey landed in the airport and walked out of the arrival lounge he knew something was wrong. He could not find mom waiting anxiously for his arrival as always. Usually by this time he will see Nancy with her head all white, with a colorful scarf tied loose, wearing a flowery dress, standing with her arms spread wide to hug her youngest son. He always walked into that warm embrace and tight squeeze and then go on chatting about how things are at the barn and how the crops were last year. She also gave him the keys to the car for him to drive them back home.
Harvey looked all around, maybe she wanted a change of place, or surprise him by hiding behind, maybe she is standing somewhere else. He had called home a few days ago to inform that he is coming and had left a very long message about the flight details. Nancy has always been great in responding to messages and mails but this time she hadn’t. The excitement of coming home again had kept him from calling again to confirm that she did get the message. Oh well I can go home and surprise her if she indeed did not know.
It wasn’t busy outside at the cab line and he was able to get into the cab driven by an ethnic man soon after. He started chatting away and Harvey informed him politely that he would prefer to be quiet as he was coming after a long journey and was tired. Not a boo was heard from him for the rest of the trip. He kept the windows slightly open, through the trip to get the cool Canadian air seep into the cab. This trip was sooner than he had expected.
Traffic was not a problem at this time of the day. Late evening on a Sunday is usually good to get around the city. Soon the city was left behind and the small town air hit him. Maybe mom thought I was old enough finally to get home on my own and did not need a grand welcome at the airport. It was with a mix of emotions that he thought of this logic. The youngest of six, he was always treated as a baby and he was rather fond of being treated that way. He was the one his mom openly preferred, and her reason was that he was the only child who did not have a chance to see his dad or be with him, so Nancy tried desperately to give him the love of a mom and dad.
Harvey had been working in construction business in Barbados for some time. He was looking for a change of place and also to open his wings and fly, away from the farm he was raised in. Nancy had never really forgiven him for that and kept hoping that one day he will be back with her to do his share of work. At 26 he wasn’t keen to do so yet, but one day he will because that is HOME.
“We are here”
The sprawling house spread out in front of him. He paid the cabby and walked in. There was light outside, he went up the familiar flight of stairs where he had fallen multiple times as a child and breathed in the HOME AIR. He had never been able to cut himself away from this place. Many a nostalgic memories haunted him whenever he was away from this place. He rang the doorbell and waited for Nancy to open the door. How come she is not waiting outside to welcome him home?
His eldest brother Dave opened the door. He looked tired. Dave hugged Harvey and welcomed him in. What is this guy doing here?? They have never been close and both of them blamed it on the years that separated them.
“Where is mom?” he asked anxiously
He was starting to be worried
“She is inside, you can see her later. First we need to talk”
“Talk about what, I need to see mom”
Harv, listen to me. Let us sit here and talk. I know that you are tired but I need to tell you something.
Everything seemed unreal. Dave wanting to talk, the eerie atmosphere in the house, mom not running out to meet him
“Mom suffered a stroke last week and was brought home from the hospital just yesterday”
Silence……………………..
“But I spoke to her two weeks ago”
“it was a stroke Harv, it happens all of a sudden, She was found on the floor when Camille came to visit. The ambulance took her to the hospital and she was on life support for a few days. The doctor told us that she has only a few days, she has had other complications as well”.
Harvey ran into mom’s room. There she was a sad reminder of the Nancy from the past. Her white hair was all pulled back and she had a tube going into her stomach and a tube coming out for her urine. Her eyes were sunken deep and her body seemed stiff.
“Mom, mom”, Harvey kept calling
“She has not been responding. We brought her home as she had always said that she wanted to die here”.
Die, who is talking about dying. Nancy was 70 years old, too young to die. Harvey had never ever given thoughts to her mom’s mortality. He always thought that mom would be around to bake goodies for children he would have one day. He started to cry, “Mom I am here. I will come back to live in the barn. I will call them up and quit. Tell me about the cows and the crops”
His sisters, Cecilia and Camille came over and hugged him. Harv, let us have something to eat
“Mom?”
“She is tube fed at present, let us eat. You must be tired”
It felt miserable sitting at the long dining table where mom was not there. A small prayer was said and everyone started to eat the spaghetti and bread, which Cecilia had brought over from her home a few doors down the road. Silence had taken over the whole family. Where there was laughter and mirth, silence and pain had taken over.
“Mom’s spaghetti is a lot better”, Harvey said as if in reverie. No one responded, not even Cecilia.
Harvey could not even finish a few morsels. He took the plate to the kitchen, cleaned the rest in the garbage and added it to the dishwasher. The family cat, Pluto meowed lightly.
Harvey went back to mom’s room. Her frail chest was slowly rising and falling. “Mom, wake up”, he said gently.
He sat there watching her. She indeed was an amazing woman, raised 6 kids on her own, made profit from the barn and gave love galore. Ian, who attended the same church after her husband’s death, courted her but she was not interested in another relationship. Ian had promised to raise all six children as his own and not to make too many demands, whatever that means, but Nancy was sure about her decision.
Cecilia came by to say that she was going back to her own home and will be back as soon as possible in the morning and Dave also left as he had to pick up his daughter from Toronto. Camille promised to stay over to help if needed. The caregiver whom they had hired to look after mom came by this time. Harvey told her that she does not need to stay today as he wanted to be alone with mom but she will be paid for the night as well. He saw a flicker of joy on her face, but Camille insisted that she stay, as he can’t change mom’s catheter and diapers on his own.
Mom wearing a diaper, She would hate that. She was always clean and proper. She would wash her hands twice after using the toilet and once again before she starts cooking.
The caregiver, Julia and Camille decided to change mom right now so that everyone can get some sleep. Harvey left the room. He went to the bathroom and cried. He wailed for some time until Camille called him. He came out and was hugged tightly by his sister. They held each other for some time.
“You need to pull it together Harv, you were her favorite”
“I am still her favorite, she is not dead yet, you know”. He wanted to be mad at someone and Camille seemed to be the easy bait.
Camille held on to him and then told him that she was going upstairs to have some sleep. She hadn’t slept well for several days and was tired. She told him that there was bed ready for him upstairs as well. Harvey decided to stay in Nancy’s room and took Julia’s spot on the sofa beside Nancy. He asked Julia to sleep in the family room.
He lay on the sofa and looked at mom. She seemed so peaceful. She has always been a content person. Is she content now?
There were creaking sounds upstairs. This house always made strange noises. Pluto was purring and getting settled on the sofa himself.
Harvey was unsure as to when he fell asleep. His dreams were mixed, in Barbados in Canada; Nancy playing with him and strange dreams of Nancy driving the construction truck in the building site without a helmet and he called out “Mom!”
Harvey woke up in sweat. He saw Nancy move, in that dim light he saw that she was looking at him. Her hand slowly raised and he heard her call, “Harv my son”.
He extended his hand to hold on to her hand and soon the hand fell.
“Mom, mom, mom”
There was one deep breath and then……… Nancy was gone
He felt like he was choking, choking with emotions. He held on to that frail hand and massaged that hand, in circles just like she always liked it. He stayed there with her singing in very low voice. Let Camille and Julia sleep.
Mom, I wanted to tell you all about Susan. I love her mom.
He looked anxiously at Nancy for a response. Not sure how long he stayed like that. Camille came down the stairs to make sure that everything was all right. She came over to the room without turning on the light not wanting to wake him up. In the faint light of the night lamp she saw him massaging mom’s hand. She turned on the light and started to check mom’s vitals and turned pale.
“When, when did this happen?”
I don’t know, some time back. She called me before she left
Camille ran out of the room and started to make phone calls. Julia also woke up and came over.
Camille came back and said, Dr Williams will be here soon. He had asked us to call whenever there is a need. Lights in the house were turned on soon. People started to arrive, Dr Williams pronounced Nancy “dead”.
Harvey told Dave, “She called me before she died”
“Not possible. Doctors had said that she was in a permanent vegetative state”
“But she did”
Funeral arrangements were made. Two of his brothers could not make it, as they were too busy but sent condolence cards. Mom was buried right beside dad whom he had never seen. Bread served with tea smelled right and fresh. People came by to talk but Harvey did not want to. He moved away to the piano, which Nancy was very fond of. She would have liked to have a song played for her right now.
Harvey sat on the bench beside the piano and started to play.
*********************************************************************
When Harvey landed in the airport and walked out of the arrival lounge he knew something was wrong. He could not find mom waiting anxiously for his arrival as always. Usually by this time he will see Nancy with her head all white, with a colorful scarf tied loose, wearing a flowery dress, standing with her arms spread wide to hug her youngest son. He always walked into that warm embrace and tight squeeze and then go on chatting about how things are at the barn and how the crops were last year. She also gave him the keys to the car for him to drive them back home.
Harvey looked all around, maybe she wanted a change of place, or surprise him by hiding behind, maybe she is standing somewhere else. He had called home a few days ago to inform that he is coming and had left a very long message about the flight details. Nancy has always been great in responding to messages and mails but this time she hadn’t. The excitement of coming home again had kept him from calling again to confirm that she did get the message. Oh well I can go home and surprise her if she indeed did not know.
It wasn’t busy outside at the cab line and he was able to get into the cab driven by an ethnic man soon after. He started chatting away and Harvey informed him politely that he would prefer to be quiet as he was coming after a long journey and was tired. Not a boo was heard from him for the rest of the trip. He kept the windows slightly open, through the trip to get the cool Canadian air seep into the cab. This trip was sooner than he had expected.
Traffic was not a problem at this time of the day. Late evening on a Sunday is usually good to get around the city. Soon the city was left behind and the small town air hit him. Maybe mom thought I was old enough finally to get home on my own and did not need a grand welcome at the airport. It was with a mix of emotions that he thought of this logic. The youngest of six, he was always treated as a baby and he was rather fond of being treated that way. He was the one his mom openly preferred, and her reason was that he was the only child who did not have a chance to see his dad or be with him, so Nancy tried desperately to give him the love of a mom and dad.
Harvey had been working in construction business in Barbados for some time. He was looking for a change of place and also to open his wings and fly, away from the farm he was raised in. Nancy had never really forgiven him for that and kept hoping that one day he will be back with her to do his share of work. At 26 he wasn’t keen to do so yet, but one day he will because that is HOME.
“We are here”
The sprawling house spread out in front of him. He paid the cabby and walked in. There was light outside, he went up the familiar flight of stairs where he had fallen multiple times as a child and breathed in the HOME AIR. He had never been able to cut himself away from this place. Many a nostalgic memories haunted him whenever he was away from this place. He rang the doorbell and waited for Nancy to open the door. How come she is not waiting outside to welcome him home?
His eldest brother Dave opened the door. He looked tired. Dave hugged Harvey and welcomed him in. What is this guy doing here?? They have never been close and both of them blamed it on the years that separated them.
“Where is mom?” he asked anxiously
He was starting to be worried
“She is inside, you can see her later. First we need to talk”
“Talk about what, I need to see mom”
Harv, listen to me. Let us sit here and talk. I know that you are tired but I need to tell you something.
Everything seemed unreal. Dave wanting to talk, the eerie atmosphere in the house, mom not running out to meet him
“Mom suffered a stroke last week and was brought home from the hospital just yesterday”
Silence……………………..
“But I spoke to her two weeks ago”
“it was a stroke Harv, it happens all of a sudden, She was found on the floor when Camille came to visit. The ambulance took her to the hospital and she was on life support for a few days. The doctor told us that she has only a few days, she has had other complications as well”.
Harvey ran into mom’s room. There she was a sad reminder of the Nancy from the past. Her white hair was all pulled back and she had a tube going into her stomach and a tube coming out for her urine. Her eyes were sunken deep and her body seemed stiff.
“Mom, mom”, Harvey kept calling
“She has not been responding. We brought her home as she had always said that she wanted to die here”.
Die, who is talking about dying. Nancy was 70 years old, too young to die. Harvey had never ever given thoughts to her mom’s mortality. He always thought that mom would be around to bake goodies for children he would have one day. He started to cry, “Mom I am here. I will come back to live in the barn. I will call them up and quit. Tell me about the cows and the crops”
His sisters, Cecilia and Camille came over and hugged him. Harv, let us have something to eat
“Mom?”
“She is tube fed at present, let us eat. You must be tired”
It felt miserable sitting at the long dining table where mom was not there. A small prayer was said and everyone started to eat the spaghetti and bread, which Cecilia had brought over from her home a few doors down the road. Silence had taken over the whole family. Where there was laughter and mirth, silence and pain had taken over.
“Mom’s spaghetti is a lot better”, Harvey said as if in reverie. No one responded, not even Cecilia.
Harvey could not even finish a few morsels. He took the plate to the kitchen, cleaned the rest in the garbage and added it to the dishwasher. The family cat, Pluto meowed lightly.
Harvey went back to mom’s room. Her frail chest was slowly rising and falling. “Mom, wake up”, he said gently.
He sat there watching her. She indeed was an amazing woman, raised 6 kids on her own, made profit from the barn and gave love galore. Ian, who attended the same church after her husband’s death, courted her but she was not interested in another relationship. Ian had promised to raise all six children as his own and not to make too many demands, whatever that means, but Nancy was sure about her decision.
Cecilia came by to say that she was going back to her own home and will be back as soon as possible in the morning and Dave also left as he had to pick up his daughter from Toronto. Camille promised to stay over to help if needed. The caregiver whom they had hired to look after mom came by this time. Harvey told her that she does not need to stay today as he wanted to be alone with mom but she will be paid for the night as well. He saw a flicker of joy on her face, but Camille insisted that she stay, as he can’t change mom’s catheter and diapers on his own.
Mom wearing a diaper, She would hate that. She was always clean and proper. She would wash her hands twice after using the toilet and once again before she starts cooking.
The caregiver, Julia and Camille decided to change mom right now so that everyone can get some sleep. Harvey left the room. He went to the bathroom and cried. He wailed for some time until Camille called him. He came out and was hugged tightly by his sister. They held each other for some time.
“You need to pull it together Harv, you were her favorite”
“I am still her favorite, she is not dead yet, you know”. He wanted to be mad at someone and Camille seemed to be the easy bait.
Camille held on to him and then told him that she was going upstairs to have some sleep. She hadn’t slept well for several days and was tired. She told him that there was bed ready for him upstairs as well. Harvey decided to stay in Nancy’s room and took Julia’s spot on the sofa beside Nancy. He asked Julia to sleep in the family room.
He lay on the sofa and looked at mom. She seemed so peaceful. She has always been a content person. Is she content now?
There were creaking sounds upstairs. This house always made strange noises. Pluto was purring and getting settled on the sofa himself.
Harvey was unsure as to when he fell asleep. His dreams were mixed, in Barbados in Canada; Nancy playing with him and strange dreams of Nancy driving the construction truck in the building site without a helmet and he called out “Mom!”
Harvey woke up in sweat. He saw Nancy move, in that dim light he saw that she was looking at him. Her hand slowly raised and he heard her call, “Harv my son”.
He extended his hand to hold on to her hand and soon the hand fell.
“Mom, mom, mom”
There was one deep breath and then……… Nancy was gone
He felt like he was choking, choking with emotions. He held on to that frail hand and massaged that hand, in circles just like she always liked it. He stayed there with her singing in very low voice. Let Camille and Julia sleep.
Mom, I wanted to tell you all about Susan. I love her mom.
He looked anxiously at Nancy for a response. Not sure how long he stayed like that. Camille came down the stairs to make sure that everything was all right. She came over to the room without turning on the light not wanting to wake him up. In the faint light of the night lamp she saw him massaging mom’s hand. She turned on the light and started to check mom’s vitals and turned pale.
“When, when did this happen?”
I don’t know, some time back. She called me before she left
Camille ran out of the room and started to make phone calls. Julia also woke up and came over.
Camille came back and said, Dr Williams will be here soon. He had asked us to call whenever there is a need. Lights in the house were turned on soon. People started to arrive, Dr Williams pronounced Nancy “dead”.
Harvey told Dave, “She called me before she died”
“Not possible. Doctors had said that she was in a permanent vegetative state”
“But she did”
Funeral arrangements were made. Two of his brothers could not make it, as they were too busy but sent condolence cards. Mom was buried right beside dad whom he had never seen. Bread served with tea smelled right and fresh. People came by to talk but Harvey did not want to. He moved away to the piano, which Nancy was very fond of. She would have liked to have a song played for her right now.
Harvey sat on the bench beside the piano and started to play.
*********************************************************************
Train Journey
As usual it was quite crowded when the Jayanti Janata came to the station. Lots of people trying to get in and lots to get out. All of them with huge packets, and boxes, some filled with coconuts, rice, bananas , mattress pushing and pulling to get in and then to find the reserved seating area. Wailing babies are the most irritating, some of them hold on to their little cookies and cry with their eyes all red and nose running. Once they get to their seating area there is a bustle again to push the luggage under the seat or to dump them on the top berth, this also creates a racket if there happens to be someone sleeping up, and the bag is thrown on top of them. Quite a hilarious scene to see a much irritated oldie getting up to scream and yell pushing away the heavy bag on his head. Right before the train starts moving again some older women on the platform wipes the tears away and lovingly tells their family inside to take care and write once they reach their destination. They hold each others hands through the train window pushing the poor soul sitting on the side of the window and then the train starts moving again “ koooooooo chu chu chu”.
Then there are the little chai wallas jumping off the moving train like rats trying to get out of a house on fire, the door is closed again by someone who came out of the stinky toilet and the train is well set on the trip to Bombay.
Traveling by second class on bharatiya railway has always been my favorite way to travel. It is like watching a movie for three whole days, drenched in sweat and soot and stinky by the second day. But the smell is often flown away by the speeding train and the stink is no longer a stink when it is a mass of people stinking in unison. I had learned to and even started to research on the different varieties of human small, oldie smell, young cute smell, baby smell, women smell, regular men smell and then there is the beggar smell which indeed is quite distinctive. The toilet smell in the train is the most indescribable of all, the smell of filth and poop and pee all mixed together. UUUUHHHH, that is the one thing I hated, using the stinky toilet, can’t avoid it for three days. I always planned ahead though, medication for diarrhea and UTI was always with me, and I would need it once I reach Bombay
“ mol engotta”
Ouch, this oldie is trying to make friends with me, might as well act rude to keep him at an arms length, or else he will ruin my movie , for three whole days
“Mumbai”
“Ottekko”
then he turned to his plump wife and said, “girls these days, traveling alone for 3 days to Bombay, well we should blame these parents, no concern for safety.
Then he turned back at me and said
“Don’t worry we will help you out”
Oh no, Oh no, I don’t’ need any help, just leave me alone
I pulled the muscles on my face to make a smile; it does get hard at times. Pulled out a book from my stash in the bag while the oldie and family were busy rearranging their luggage under the seat so that everything could be squeezed in. Heard a crack inside one of the bags while they were pushing and he complained that probably it was the kuzhambu bottle, oh no, I don’t’ want sticky liquid all over my new ghagra, Jumped up and pulled out the bag which was beside the bags he was pushing and pulling and kept it safely under my own seat where there was some space.
The train was zooming past, The lush green land, shy baharatapuzha where water plays hide and seek with land, the little children waving fiercely at the train, the cycle wallah slowly moving away, the railway crossings, the houses with women washing their laundry and getting along with their day, the cute teenager who tries to wink at everyone, the jobless villagers sitting crouched up on temple premises the life going on. God’s own country, indeed it is
Train stopped at the next station, same scene as before, all the pushing and pulling starts again, the little boys running around with hot tea and coffee, the coffee tastes awful, so I always try to stick with tea, If I am lucky I can catch someone with elaichi tea which tastes so much better, but they don’s scamper around yelling elaichi tea, maybe it will take more energy and will give them a sore throat by the end of the day. Thankfully all the berths around me are taken except one, so the families are moving away to other parts looking at their tickets and looking at berth numbers, can you find 33, now why would they put 34 on other side, I can’t believe it, I see a girl around my age with a baby few months old, this is what amma was talking about “reproduction” which is the job of girls.
This time I wasn’t lucky, did not get the elaichi tea as I had hoped, and gave a wry smile and 5Rs to the little boy who was selling, who seemed happy.
The train gave a little shudder and passed gas, chooo. Now all the chai wallas, dubbah wallas started jumping out. Women wiping their tears, men massaging their chests, the college kids winking at me who are happy when I wink back and in seventh heaven when I wave. Frustrated idiots, I think. Heard amma saying in my head, now why did you need to wave at them, heh, why??
Train started again and all the hustle and bustle started to die down, everyone seemed to be settled once again. The wailing baby has started to sleep with his mouth open, looks cute, maybe they are not all that bad. Could never stand babies, whaa whaa whaa, well they say India is overpopulated, they should have an anti baby campaign instead of the regular family planning triangle.
The green of kerala was soon vanishing, the arid lands started to appear, mass landscape with a huge rock in the middle, dusty mountains, miles without the sight of a single soul, ravines and creeks that may have been filled with water once upon a time and railway crossings with no one to wait behind.
“Orders for dinner” orders for dinner
A man with khaki uniform came by with little chits for dinner.
“What do you have for dinner?”
“Regular meals, biriyani and idlis”
“I will go for idlis please”
Paid the 10Rs and got the chit and confirmed the station where the food will be delivered. The uniform went by once again yelling “orders for dinner”
“Kando, they have sent this girl without food even, so sad”
Somehow I felt it necessary to defend my parents, told them that I chose not to take the food as I like the food on the train
A look of total disbelief spread across his face, he shook his face
Oh well, he can think what he wants. Maybe he can think that I ran away from home, or maybe even juicier that I am meeting my lover in Mumbai, like in the movie Bombay. Maybe we can have a song and dance sequence outside the chatrapati shivaji terminal. This guy can be one of the extras with a smirk face.
I brought my face back to the book, the letters making the dances, story like a movie show once again.
I have to pee, I am going to hold it as long as I can, Made sure that I have the medication handy in my bag, will have to start maybe by the evening. “Krishna Guruvayurappa, shakti tharene”
I can hear the rattle of human voices , different languages, Tamil. Malayalam, kannada, Telugu,all making an aviyal together. People going up and down the aisle again, a guy selling the latest magazines coming by, filmfare, nana, Tinkle, time, India today. Bought an India today and a film fare. Always fun to see how is dating whom and predictions on when they are going to break up.
The dry dusty air is hitting the face. The old lady with a kind smile suggests that maybe I should close the window as the air will make a mess of my hair. Who the hell cares, I am after all not a beauty queen to start with.
Train slows down once again, it is around 6pm. Coimbatore station is big and there are a lot more vendors jumping in and out. Not a lot of people to get in as this is a kerala boggy. Hopefully the seat and berth next to me would be empty, but that is not what I was told. Oh well, I pray that the person who was to fill that berth would miss the train, an extra seat is a luxury these days. I see someone running into the train, with a big bag. He got in, looked around and confirmed that the seat number is indeed 45, oh shoot. But hey, isn’t he cute, now we are talking.
I acted as if I did not see him, looked away, but made sure that I comb my hair with my fingers and also wiped the soot from my face with my little hankie. Thanks amma for reminding me to take the hankie like proper girls. The cutie looked around and sat beside me, He smiled at me< hurrah. Maybe I do have a scoop for some romance before getting back at the hostel, or maybe who knows this is the guy I will elope with or even better I can tell my dad, I have found the man of my dreams, big time. Rein your mind, he has just smiled.
I acted as if I didn’t care who was sitting beside me. He himself seem to know the tricks of the trade and he also started to read a Time magazine, UUhhhmmm, has some class, at least he cares what is going on in the big wide world
My bladder is calling again, I wish there was a diaper that I could wear just like the astronauts, who cares if there is gravity in this planet; it is indeed an inconvenience to go to the toilet. But this time I have to, I get up gingerly, wipe my churidar down and say excuse me coyly. I would make my amma proud if I go this route, I am acting like a real lady for once.
It is always hard to use the toilet with one hand holding the nose tightly. Thankfully there was some watery liquid soap in the little container there. In my hurry to act like a lady I forgot to take my towel and soap. Washed my face properly, looked in the mirror and told myself that I am beautiful. Some one has to say it ,if no one else will I will. Wiped the water off on the bottom of the churidar, noone will notice it. I have special churidars to wear on train, dusty colored, dark blue color which will look fresh even if I wore it for seven days in soot.
Walked back to my seat and the Mr. Handsome looked up and smiled. Wow , he is something to talk about, Have to describe him when I get back to the hostel. All the girls will be so jealous and will swoon at my description. He even has nice teeth. He looks like aravind swamy at certain angles. Came back to my seat like a Bharatiya naari without even touching his shoes, he has nice shoes too. Started reading the book again, this guy is not making any attempt to talk, maybe he is the shy type. Come on man we have only another day and a half.
Dinner was delivered from a small station, could not read the name of the station as the lighting was bad out there. The idlis with watery sambaar and chutney, can’t have amma’s idlis for the next eight months, who knows if I can go for the next vacation, will have to finish the thesis . Mr.Handsome is not eating anything, good time to hit him
“ Aren’t you eating anything”??
Oh No I had my dinner around 5 today, that way it is easier than packing it”
UUhhhmmm, clever too
Are the idlis good??
He is taking the bait , good, this trip will be fun
“ The usual, something to eat”
He goes back to Time, I lean over and see that he is reading on the conflicts in Israel. Time to show my GK skills
“ Sad eh, what is going on in Israel”
“ Very true, it is unbelievable that a section of people will be punished time and again by the world “ we go on to discussing the Israel politics and Palestinian agenda, much better than talking of our lallu yadav. Amma, for once my interest in world politics is helping out, maybe you will get the son in law of your dreams
Soon there was the hustle of people trying to get to sleep. The oldie was looking around as if to ask for permission to open the berth out, I washed my hands and by the time I came back everyone else had already climbed in. Oldie asked me whether it was okay for me to have the berth facing Mr.Handsome. Of course, I can look into his handsome brown eyes and slowly fade to sleep.
Said good night to handsome eyes and soon it was next morning. The clamoring of the chai wallas woke me up. Mr. Handsome was already up on the other side , slowly climbed down, I should have woken up earlier to get a reasonably clean toilet. Searched for the brush and paste and grabbed the soap and ran to the toilet. The burly bearded guy gave me a look, the look that we talk about in the hostel. Gave the return look back. He turned away. After 3 people it was finally my turn, OOOOOHHHH, They have to invent good diapers.
When I came back Mr. Handsome was buying coffee from the teenager,
“ You want a coffee “ he had already bought one for me.
I hate coffee, but will I tell him that, Ooh No
“Thank you” again like a good girl. Amma I am finally getting it. No sarcasm, no Vikata saraswati as amma says
While sipping coffee the vision outside is flying behind, fast . Trees like a line, bent, everything looks two dimensional
I haven’t got anywhere with Mr.Handsome. Amma, if I don’t act fast the concept of son in law will remain a dream.
: are you going to Mumbai too”
“No Pune , I am a major with the army , am going to Khadakvasla, ’
I can see Kitty parties and republic day ceremony in my dreams. Maybe I will be the widow receiving param vir charka for his contribution to war. Chi.., I am not even connecting and am dreaming of his death
“Where are you off to”
“Back to my hostel in Mumbai, doing masters “
That is nice, Huh that is nice, what is that supposed to be. Maybe amma is right , men like brainless bimbos. Well I will say no to paramvir chakra and will announce at the venue that I denounce everyone who refuses to accept women who like to keep their brains in tact
Mr.Handsome gets up and goes over. I look out. Little train stations, people crossing bridges, farmers working in the fields, sunflower fields, laundry on top of the houses being pulled by the wind, life goes on as usual. I see Mr.H sitting beside the door through the window, maybe I can go over and do a Titanic like stint out there, but hey this guy definitely is not flirting. What a bore.
The salad wallah came along. I love salads on train with the kala jeera and namak and the cucumbers. Ordered a plate, the oldie does the tsk tsk with his tongue and darts me a sympathetic look. O h well he can think that I am an orphan. The salad wallah mixes the salad with his dirty hands and passes the plate on to me, another 8rs. He gave a spoon with the salad, who eats salad with a spoon, maybe he ran out of forks as usual
Mr.H returns to his seat
“ Did you want salad”
He nodded to say no. Oh come on honey, paramvir charka in waiting.
I ate the salad, maybe I can chuck lunch today and loose some weight. Amma has fed me real well this vacation, having a couple of marriages to attend did not help either. The wedding feasts are so good, I did not give ear to amma’s complaining to everyone around that I am refusing to get married ,and the loud suggestions from everyone that the bride is much younger than me. So what.
Afternoon was spent talking about khadakvasla with Mr.H. He talked about the big campus, the security outside, the beautiful landscaping, the army school inside etc. He did not talk about his family, so maybe he is alone. Hurrah
Decided to read another couple of chapters of the book. Mr.H was now interested in talking, we talked about books, he likes Toni Morrison, and he liked “Beloved”. Man am I In for a ride, I also talked about “ beloved” and “ bluest Eye”, never mentioned the fact that could not understand anything in Beloved. We both ordered biriyani for dinner, see we have a lot of similarities, we both like biriyani. Paramvircharka here I come. Maybe I don’t’ need to get it posthumously.
After biriyani, brushed my teeth and hit the berth. This time I could look at him properly, nice mustache, army cropped hair, long legs, long fingers, amma ,he is indeed the son in law that you always wanted. Woke up to the shudder of the train next morning. Train was stopped, It was only 3am. Mr.H was already up and ready. He smiled at me and said there was some minor delay and that the train will reach Pune in another couple of hours. Wow , I better act fast, told him that I might be coming to pune for some project work. He quickly wrote out an address on a sheet of paper and gave it to me. No interest to get my information. Look how things have changed, everything has to be done by girls these days. Well I am a feminist, right.
Gave him the hostel address and phone number and suggested that he visit me when he comes over to Mumbai. He says yes and invites me over to khadakvasla as well, he tells me in a couple of months his wife will be joining him again with the baby
What is that I am hearing, a shokaganam, sitar or sarongi making that nga nga nga voice, the last time I heard it was when Rajiv Gandhi was killed. My paramvirchakra vanishes into thin air, my announcement for republic day cannot be done, and my amma has lost her son in law once again. Why didn’t he say so right upfront.
He goes on to tell me that he had a baby about a month ago and that is why he had gone to Coimbatore this time. He goes on to tell me about his baby girl’s name and horoscope but who is interested, I look out, and train has started to move again
In two hours, we reach pune station, Mr.Idiot invites me once again to Khadakvasla and gets off the train. I hear sarongi in the background once again nga nga nga…….
I reached Mumbai around 12noon, an hour late, that is nothing. I am in no hurry, but this time I have a story to tell the girls, about a rich , handsome, brave army officer who will one day come over to the hostel to take me in his arms.
______________________________________________________________________
As usual it was quite crowded when the Jayanti Janata came to the station. Lots of people trying to get in and lots to get out. All of them with huge packets, and boxes, some filled with coconuts, rice, bananas , mattress pushing and pulling to get in and then to find the reserved seating area. Wailing babies are the most irritating, some of them hold on to their little cookies and cry with their eyes all red and nose running. Once they get to their seating area there is a bustle again to push the luggage under the seat or to dump them on the top berth, this also creates a racket if there happens to be someone sleeping up, and the bag is thrown on top of them. Quite a hilarious scene to see a much irritated oldie getting up to scream and yell pushing away the heavy bag on his head. Right before the train starts moving again some older women on the platform wipes the tears away and lovingly tells their family inside to take care and write once they reach their destination. They hold each others hands through the train window pushing the poor soul sitting on the side of the window and then the train starts moving again “ koooooooo chu chu chu”.
Then there are the little chai wallas jumping off the moving train like rats trying to get out of a house on fire, the door is closed again by someone who came out of the stinky toilet and the train is well set on the trip to Bombay.
Traveling by second class on bharatiya railway has always been my favorite way to travel. It is like watching a movie for three whole days, drenched in sweat and soot and stinky by the second day. But the smell is often flown away by the speeding train and the stink is no longer a stink when it is a mass of people stinking in unison. I had learned to and even started to research on the different varieties of human small, oldie smell, young cute smell, baby smell, women smell, regular men smell and then there is the beggar smell which indeed is quite distinctive. The toilet smell in the train is the most indescribable of all, the smell of filth and poop and pee all mixed together. UUUUHHHH, that is the one thing I hated, using the stinky toilet, can’t avoid it for three days. I always planned ahead though, medication for diarrhea and UTI was always with me, and I would need it once I reach Bombay
“ mol engotta”
Ouch, this oldie is trying to make friends with me, might as well act rude to keep him at an arms length, or else he will ruin my movie , for three whole days
“Mumbai”
“Ottekko”
then he turned to his plump wife and said, “girls these days, traveling alone for 3 days to Bombay, well we should blame these parents, no concern for safety.
Then he turned back at me and said
“Don’t worry we will help you out”
Oh no, Oh no, I don’t’ need any help, just leave me alone
I pulled the muscles on my face to make a smile; it does get hard at times. Pulled out a book from my stash in the bag while the oldie and family were busy rearranging their luggage under the seat so that everything could be squeezed in. Heard a crack inside one of the bags while they were pushing and he complained that probably it was the kuzhambu bottle, oh no, I don’t’ want sticky liquid all over my new ghagra, Jumped up and pulled out the bag which was beside the bags he was pushing and pulling and kept it safely under my own seat where there was some space.
The train was zooming past, The lush green land, shy baharatapuzha where water plays hide and seek with land, the little children waving fiercely at the train, the cycle wallah slowly moving away, the railway crossings, the houses with women washing their laundry and getting along with their day, the cute teenager who tries to wink at everyone, the jobless villagers sitting crouched up on temple premises the life going on. God’s own country, indeed it is
Train stopped at the next station, same scene as before, all the pushing and pulling starts again, the little boys running around with hot tea and coffee, the coffee tastes awful, so I always try to stick with tea, If I am lucky I can catch someone with elaichi tea which tastes so much better, but they don’s scamper around yelling elaichi tea, maybe it will take more energy and will give them a sore throat by the end of the day. Thankfully all the berths around me are taken except one, so the families are moving away to other parts looking at their tickets and looking at berth numbers, can you find 33, now why would they put 34 on other side, I can’t believe it, I see a girl around my age with a baby few months old, this is what amma was talking about “reproduction” which is the job of girls.
This time I wasn’t lucky, did not get the elaichi tea as I had hoped, and gave a wry smile and 5Rs to the little boy who was selling, who seemed happy.
The train gave a little shudder and passed gas, chooo. Now all the chai wallas, dubbah wallas started jumping out. Women wiping their tears, men massaging their chests, the college kids winking at me who are happy when I wink back and in seventh heaven when I wave. Frustrated idiots, I think. Heard amma saying in my head, now why did you need to wave at them, heh, why??
Train started again and all the hustle and bustle started to die down, everyone seemed to be settled once again. The wailing baby has started to sleep with his mouth open, looks cute, maybe they are not all that bad. Could never stand babies, whaa whaa whaa, well they say India is overpopulated, they should have an anti baby campaign instead of the regular family planning triangle.
The green of kerala was soon vanishing, the arid lands started to appear, mass landscape with a huge rock in the middle, dusty mountains, miles without the sight of a single soul, ravines and creeks that may have been filled with water once upon a time and railway crossings with no one to wait behind.
“Orders for dinner” orders for dinner
A man with khaki uniform came by with little chits for dinner.
“What do you have for dinner?”
“Regular meals, biriyani and idlis”
“I will go for idlis please”
Paid the 10Rs and got the chit and confirmed the station where the food will be delivered. The uniform went by once again yelling “orders for dinner”
“Kando, they have sent this girl without food even, so sad”
Somehow I felt it necessary to defend my parents, told them that I chose not to take the food as I like the food on the train
A look of total disbelief spread across his face, he shook his face
Oh well, he can think what he wants. Maybe he can think that I ran away from home, or maybe even juicier that I am meeting my lover in Mumbai, like in the movie Bombay. Maybe we can have a song and dance sequence outside the chatrapati shivaji terminal. This guy can be one of the extras with a smirk face.
I brought my face back to the book, the letters making the dances, story like a movie show once again.
I have to pee, I am going to hold it as long as I can, Made sure that I have the medication handy in my bag, will have to start maybe by the evening. “Krishna Guruvayurappa, shakti tharene”
I can hear the rattle of human voices , different languages, Tamil. Malayalam, kannada, Telugu,all making an aviyal together. People going up and down the aisle again, a guy selling the latest magazines coming by, filmfare, nana, Tinkle, time, India today. Bought an India today and a film fare. Always fun to see how is dating whom and predictions on when they are going to break up.
The dry dusty air is hitting the face. The old lady with a kind smile suggests that maybe I should close the window as the air will make a mess of my hair. Who the hell cares, I am after all not a beauty queen to start with.
Train slows down once again, it is around 6pm. Coimbatore station is big and there are a lot more vendors jumping in and out. Not a lot of people to get in as this is a kerala boggy. Hopefully the seat and berth next to me would be empty, but that is not what I was told. Oh well, I pray that the person who was to fill that berth would miss the train, an extra seat is a luxury these days. I see someone running into the train, with a big bag. He got in, looked around and confirmed that the seat number is indeed 45, oh shoot. But hey, isn’t he cute, now we are talking.
I acted as if I did not see him, looked away, but made sure that I comb my hair with my fingers and also wiped the soot from my face with my little hankie. Thanks amma for reminding me to take the hankie like proper girls. The cutie looked around and sat beside me, He smiled at me< hurrah. Maybe I do have a scoop for some romance before getting back at the hostel, or maybe who knows this is the guy I will elope with or even better I can tell my dad, I have found the man of my dreams, big time. Rein your mind, he has just smiled.
I acted as if I didn’t care who was sitting beside me. He himself seem to know the tricks of the trade and he also started to read a Time magazine, UUhhhmmm, has some class, at least he cares what is going on in the big wide world
My bladder is calling again, I wish there was a diaper that I could wear just like the astronauts, who cares if there is gravity in this planet; it is indeed an inconvenience to go to the toilet. But this time I have to, I get up gingerly, wipe my churidar down and say excuse me coyly. I would make my amma proud if I go this route, I am acting like a real lady for once.
It is always hard to use the toilet with one hand holding the nose tightly. Thankfully there was some watery liquid soap in the little container there. In my hurry to act like a lady I forgot to take my towel and soap. Washed my face properly, looked in the mirror and told myself that I am beautiful. Some one has to say it ,if no one else will I will. Wiped the water off on the bottom of the churidar, noone will notice it. I have special churidars to wear on train, dusty colored, dark blue color which will look fresh even if I wore it for seven days in soot.
Walked back to my seat and the Mr. Handsome looked up and smiled. Wow , he is something to talk about, Have to describe him when I get back to the hostel. All the girls will be so jealous and will swoon at my description. He even has nice teeth. He looks like aravind swamy at certain angles. Came back to my seat like a Bharatiya naari without even touching his shoes, he has nice shoes too. Started reading the book again, this guy is not making any attempt to talk, maybe he is the shy type. Come on man we have only another day and a half.
Dinner was delivered from a small station, could not read the name of the station as the lighting was bad out there. The idlis with watery sambaar and chutney, can’t have amma’s idlis for the next eight months, who knows if I can go for the next vacation, will have to finish the thesis . Mr.Handsome is not eating anything, good time to hit him
“ Aren’t you eating anything”??
Oh No I had my dinner around 5 today, that way it is easier than packing it”
UUhhhmmm, clever too
Are the idlis good??
He is taking the bait , good, this trip will be fun
“ The usual, something to eat”
He goes back to Time, I lean over and see that he is reading on the conflicts in Israel. Time to show my GK skills
“ Sad eh, what is going on in Israel”
“ Very true, it is unbelievable that a section of people will be punished time and again by the world “ we go on to discussing the Israel politics and Palestinian agenda, much better than talking of our lallu yadav. Amma, for once my interest in world politics is helping out, maybe you will get the son in law of your dreams
Soon there was the hustle of people trying to get to sleep. The oldie was looking around as if to ask for permission to open the berth out, I washed my hands and by the time I came back everyone else had already climbed in. Oldie asked me whether it was okay for me to have the berth facing Mr.Handsome. Of course, I can look into his handsome brown eyes and slowly fade to sleep.
Said good night to handsome eyes and soon it was next morning. The clamoring of the chai wallas woke me up. Mr. Handsome was already up on the other side , slowly climbed down, I should have woken up earlier to get a reasonably clean toilet. Searched for the brush and paste and grabbed the soap and ran to the toilet. The burly bearded guy gave me a look, the look that we talk about in the hostel. Gave the return look back. He turned away. After 3 people it was finally my turn, OOOOOHHHH, They have to invent good diapers.
When I came back Mr. Handsome was buying coffee from the teenager,
“ You want a coffee “ he had already bought one for me.
I hate coffee, but will I tell him that, Ooh No
“Thank you” again like a good girl. Amma I am finally getting it. No sarcasm, no Vikata saraswati as amma says
While sipping coffee the vision outside is flying behind, fast . Trees like a line, bent, everything looks two dimensional
I haven’t got anywhere with Mr.Handsome. Amma, if I don’t act fast the concept of son in law will remain a dream.
: are you going to Mumbai too”
“No Pune , I am a major with the army , am going to Khadakvasla, ’
I can see Kitty parties and republic day ceremony in my dreams. Maybe I will be the widow receiving param vir charka for his contribution to war. Chi.., I am not even connecting and am dreaming of his death
“Where are you off to”
“Back to my hostel in Mumbai, doing masters “
That is nice, Huh that is nice, what is that supposed to be. Maybe amma is right , men like brainless bimbos. Well I will say no to paramvir chakra and will announce at the venue that I denounce everyone who refuses to accept women who like to keep their brains in tact
Mr.Handsome gets up and goes over. I look out. Little train stations, people crossing bridges, farmers working in the fields, sunflower fields, laundry on top of the houses being pulled by the wind, life goes on as usual. I see Mr.H sitting beside the door through the window, maybe I can go over and do a Titanic like stint out there, but hey this guy definitely is not flirting. What a bore.
The salad wallah came along. I love salads on train with the kala jeera and namak and the cucumbers. Ordered a plate, the oldie does the tsk tsk with his tongue and darts me a sympathetic look. O h well he can think that I am an orphan. The salad wallah mixes the salad with his dirty hands and passes the plate on to me, another 8rs. He gave a spoon with the salad, who eats salad with a spoon, maybe he ran out of forks as usual
Mr.H returns to his seat
“ Did you want salad”
He nodded to say no. Oh come on honey, paramvir charka in waiting.
I ate the salad, maybe I can chuck lunch today and loose some weight. Amma has fed me real well this vacation, having a couple of marriages to attend did not help either. The wedding feasts are so good, I did not give ear to amma’s complaining to everyone around that I am refusing to get married ,and the loud suggestions from everyone that the bride is much younger than me. So what.
Afternoon was spent talking about khadakvasla with Mr.H. He talked about the big campus, the security outside, the beautiful landscaping, the army school inside etc. He did not talk about his family, so maybe he is alone. Hurrah
Decided to read another couple of chapters of the book. Mr.H was now interested in talking, we talked about books, he likes Toni Morrison, and he liked “Beloved”. Man am I In for a ride, I also talked about “ beloved” and “ bluest Eye”, never mentioned the fact that could not understand anything in Beloved. We both ordered biriyani for dinner, see we have a lot of similarities, we both like biriyani. Paramvircharka here I come. Maybe I don’t’ need to get it posthumously.
After biriyani, brushed my teeth and hit the berth. This time I could look at him properly, nice mustache, army cropped hair, long legs, long fingers, amma ,he is indeed the son in law that you always wanted. Woke up to the shudder of the train next morning. Train was stopped, It was only 3am. Mr.H was already up and ready. He smiled at me and said there was some minor delay and that the train will reach Pune in another couple of hours. Wow , I better act fast, told him that I might be coming to pune for some project work. He quickly wrote out an address on a sheet of paper and gave it to me. No interest to get my information. Look how things have changed, everything has to be done by girls these days. Well I am a feminist, right.
Gave him the hostel address and phone number and suggested that he visit me when he comes over to Mumbai. He says yes and invites me over to khadakvasla as well, he tells me in a couple of months his wife will be joining him again with the baby
What is that I am hearing, a shokaganam, sitar or sarongi making that nga nga nga voice, the last time I heard it was when Rajiv Gandhi was killed. My paramvirchakra vanishes into thin air, my announcement for republic day cannot be done, and my amma has lost her son in law once again. Why didn’t he say so right upfront.
He goes on to tell me that he had a baby about a month ago and that is why he had gone to Coimbatore this time. He goes on to tell me about his baby girl’s name and horoscope but who is interested, I look out, and train has started to move again
In two hours, we reach pune station, Mr.Idiot invites me once again to Khadakvasla and gets off the train. I hear sarongi in the background once again nga nga nga…….
I reached Mumbai around 12noon, an hour late, that is nothing. I am in no hurry, but this time I have a story to tell the girls, about a rich , handsome, brave army officer who will one day come over to the hostel to take me in his arms.
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